How to Enjoy Visiting a Loved One who has Alzheimer’s Disease

Feb 23, 2010 by Barbara A. Smith, M.S., OTR/L

This Be My Guest Author Article is by Barbara A. Smith, M.S., OTR/L, Author of Still Giving Kisses: A Guide to Helping and Enjoying the Alzheimer’s Victim You Love

Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution to spend more time with an elderly person who is isolated-perhaps a grandparent or elderly aunt who may not have a whole lot to say but appreciates having a friendly visitor?  Of course, many people do make well meaning resolutions and then discover that it’s not so easy to keep them. Spending time with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s disease is even more challenging because the person may not seem to remember who you are or understand what you are saying.

All people- and I mean ALL- need human contact- a touch, a smile or a song that is there just for them. I discovered this during the eight years my mother’s mind gradually deteriorated over the course of Alzheimer’s disease. Fortunately, even when she was no longer able to speak- her face lit up when she saw me and up until a week before her death she puckered her lips to indicate that I should bring my cheek over for her to kiss. She was still communicating her feelings-even though she was no longer eating!

Perhaps you have a loved one or close friend in your life with memory impairment and avoid visiting because you think that it won’t matter to him or her. Maybe you feel uncomfortable because you don’t know what to do with a person who does not speak.  In addition, just being in an assisted living facility, nursing home or some other institutional setting is scary. Here are 5 suggestions to help you overcome your reservations or fears:

1. Find a comfortable room to meet in.
If the person lives at home-help her out of bed in order to sit in a different room. The change of scenery will be stimulating. Try to sit by a window in order to view the movement of birds or car traffic. If the person lives in a facility- try to have your visit out of the bedroom, perhaps a room with interesting decorations. It will be a nice break for some one who spends a lot of time in bed. Avoid being around a television which will make it difficult for the person to focus on you.

2. Bring along some entertainment
During the early stages Alzheimer’s my mother loved to look at large photographs of animals and children. I scanned old family photos and used them to make an illustrated story of my mother’s life. She enjoyed many hours reading the story of her life to me and when she was alone.

3. Sing songs either with or to your loved one
Many people with memory loss can sing even when they have forgotten how to engage in a conversation.  My mother and I sang the songs from the World War II period that were popular during her youth. When she could no longer sing, I sang them alone or invited other residents to join me.

4. Involve other residents
During the later stages of the disease my mother was unable to speak and spent most of her time with her eyes closed. It was more stimulating for me and my mom when I found other residents or visitors who joined us in a group to sing, read poetry or just chat.

5. Communicate with touch
My mom enjoyed having her shoulders massaged and lotion rubbed on her hands and face. She enjoyed sitting and holding my hand while I sang or spoke to her about anything that popped into my mind. This was a time for me to forget about my chores and work obligations and just be in the present.

As an occupational therapist and daughter who has experienced care giving, I wrote a book to share how I adapted the environment and designed activities that my mother could enjoy during all stages of Alzheimer’s disease. I discovered that the key to enjoying a visit with a loved one is finding the “just right” activity that you can both enjoy. Hopefully, this information will help you keep a New Year’s resolution to visit an elderly person. You both might find it a fun and rewarding experience.

Barbara A Smith, M.S., OTR/L has worked with children and adults with developmental disabilities for over 30 years. She currently works in a hippotherapy setting where she uses the horse as therapy tools to help children with developmental disabilities. Ms. Smith is the author of The Recycling Occupational Therapist (Pro-Ed, Inc.) –a guide for designing and fabricating therapeutic activities for individuals with developmental disabilities and Still Giving Kisses: A Guide to Helping and Enjoying the Alzheimer’s Victim You love ( available at Lulu.com). Her new book- From Rattles to Writing- A Parent’s Guide to Hand Skills (Therapro, Inc.) is due out early 2010. Learn more about developmental disabilities and Barbara Smith’s work by visiting: BarbaraSmithOccupationalTherapist.com.