The story stalls, the idea goes flat, the characters seem to stare back at you saying “What now, boss?”

In some cases it might be that you didn’t spend enough time planning how your characters are going to get from beginning to end and that red-hot plot you were so excited about just fizzles out.

In other cases it might be that the idea wasn’t big enough to fill out a novel or maybe you simply don’t have enough conflict in your story so far and want to liven things up a bit.

Weaving a second plot through your main storyline not only helps you to uncover new facets of your characters but can help raise conflict levels and create tension. You also have the opportunity to create a new depth to your original story, building layers of complexity that can force your fictional world into three dimensions.

If you create a sub-plot that has absolutely nothing to do with the main plot you’ll even force your reader to keep turning pages just to see how they gel together. Of course your reader already knows they will end up tied together in a neat little bow by the end of the book – otherwise there would be no reason for the new plot thread – but the reader will want to know how they end up intertwined and so will keep reading to find out.

Your sub-plot doesn’t need to be a romantic thread braided through the original story, although this is one of the more common sub-plot tactics used in many novels.

You might decide to have your main secondary character working with your protagonist openly, but secretly harboring a desire to thwart the hero’s efforts at every turn because he has other things on his agenda. You might decide to introduce a completely new plot to your novel that has nothing to do with the first and weave these together.

No matter what you decide to add for your sub-plot or how separate they are, it’s important that something within the sub-plot contains a vital element that is necessary to complete the main plot.

Sub-plots are used very effectively in many fantasy epics. The characters are all focused on a primary goal or quest, but each character has different things going on that either impede or interfere with the main plot.

Many horror novels have a light romantic sub-plot running through them to help relieve the pent-up tension created during intense horror scenes.

So how do you weave a sub-plot thread through your existing novel plot?

The easiest method of interweaving a new sub-plot through an existing plot is to create alternate chapters showing the viewpoint of another character. It’s through this character’s eyes that the new parts of the thread are shown to the reader.

When you first introduce your sub-plot it will seem to run parallel to your main storyline, but throughout your novel it should cross and sometimes even overtake your main plot until they meet at the end during the final scenes.

Even though you know where they’ll end up, your reader shouldn’t see it coming until the point where they finally intersect and it’s revealed why the sub-plot was the secret ingredient needed in order to finish the main plot all along.

Take a closer look at your current novel and see if you can find a sub-plot to throw at a secondary character that will help confuse and hinder your hero until the final scenes. You’ll be surprised at the new life you can breathe into a stalled novel.

For generations the term “women’s intuition” has been used to describe the unexplainable, non-logical, sometimes quirky wisdom that women often possess. No one quite knows how or why intuition works. But it does.
 
Intuition has been defined as simply knowing something without any reasonable and logical way of knowing it. Associated with the right side of the brain, intuition resides in the elusive realm of emotions, creativity and imagination, the domain of the feminine.
 
Every day in ways that normally go unnoticed, our intuition is at work. We intuit the unspoken feelings and emotions of our partner, co-workers, children and even the check out girl at the grocery store. We know when a loved one in the other part of the house or even miles away is struggling or having difficulties and we can sense the honesty or dishonesty of our children’s excuses and the car mechanic’s estimate with surprising ease.
 
Although we don’t always know how we know these things, when we listen to our inner voice and follow through with our gut feelings we are almost always right.
 
There are many ways that you can employ your intuition to make your life easier and frankly more fun.
 
Try these:
 
Intuitive Listening
 
Your intuition is telling you that there is something that your partner, who is slumped in his chair, needs to talk about. When you ask him he tells you there is nothing wrong. Although this is frustrating it may be that he is unable to put into words what he is feeling. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He may not be intentionally withholding information.
 
Instead of pushing him to talk, take a seat near him and sit quietly. Take a long deep breath and relax. Come into an open hearted receptive state and listen within. When you feel moved to talk, express from the heart what you are receiving. Do not lecture, push or tell him how he feels, instead use “I” statements and talk about what you are experiencing.
 
This simple practice will help your partner to relax, open up and communicate.
 
Open hearted intuitive listening is also affective with your children, other family members, friends and even co-workers. It creates a calm intuitive environment of safety and love.
 
Intuitive Eating
 
It’s been a long day. You finally have a few minutes to relax. Before making your way to the couch or bed, you scan the refrigerator and cabinets for a special treat. A little chocolate, a piece of left over fried chicken, and some popcorn never hurt anyone, right?
 
Before you grab the bag of tortilla chips, sit down, take a deep breath and listen within. Imagine that your body can intuitively communicate with you.
 
Ask within if you are hungry? If the answer is no, ask your body to reveal to you what is prompting the desire to eat.
 
There is a message behind the hunger, listen to it. You might find that emotions like loneliness, frustration or stress surface. You may be bored or want to fill an inner feeling of emptiness.
 
Instead of eating to dull the feelings, spend some time in inner listening.
 
Eating is a way to nurture ourselves, but there are other more affective ways. What is the best way to nurture and take care of you?
 
Listen to your intuition and commit to those actions that will empower you with self care. Often times just listening within and acknowledging how you feel will help you to release the feelings and dissipate the gnawing hunger. Acknowledge all that you accomplished during the day and have loving compassion for you.
 
Intuitive Career Decisions
 
Something feels off at work. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you feel restless and find yourself scanning job boards for other employment possibilities. You talk to your manager and he tries to assure you that your job is secure. As much as you would like to believe this, that little inner voice keeps telling you to start looking.
 
At this point you have a choice. You can convince yourself that this is just your insecurity and caution speaking or you can without any outside evidence, listen and act on your intuitive impressions.
 
In these kinds of situations, I often advise people to pay attention to outer synchronicities that may reinforce your intuition. Synchronicity is the random occurrence of unlikely coincidence and a form of intuition. In this situation, you might for instance receive a call from a friend who randomly lets you know that the company she works for is hiring. While exercising at the gym you overhear a couple of people discussing a new division about to open in an exciting and innovative company. You have dreams of being in interesting places involved in new activity and wake feeling more sure and ready to pursue other career options. I have a friend who woke up at 2:00 in the morning, spontaneously went to her computer and looked at the job postings of a company that she had always wanted to work for. There was a job listed that was perfect for her. Two weeks later she was hired.
 
Your intuition is like a muscle that must be exercised. Be creative and explore the many ways throughout the day that your intuition can guide you. As you do this you will become more adept at recognizing and confidently following through with intuitive messages. You will more often than not be glad that you did.
 
© 2010 Sherrie Dillard, author of Love and Intuition: A Psychic’s Guide to Creating Lasting Love

Author of the bestselling Discover Your Psychic Type, Sherrie Dillard has been a New Thought pastoral counselor, professional psychic, medium, and teacher for over twenty years. She has taught classes and workshops, both nationally and internationally, on the life-enhancing aspects of intuition development. Her writing has also appeared in New Age Journal and on Wellness.com and HitchedMag.com.

For more information please visit www.SherrieDillard.com and follow the author on Facebook.

 
Most prospective entrepreneurs I meet already know they want to be self-employed, but they’re less sure of exactly what kind of business they want to run. (Sorry, “One that makes a lot of money” or “One where I can set my own schedule” are not specific enough answers.) Most people have a general idea of what business they want to start — say, a yoga studio or a health care consulting business — but they don’t always know the specifics of what will make it a success (more on how to define “success” below).

The truth is, no business idea is ready to go right out of the gate. Every entrepreneur needs to poke and prod their idea to varying degrees and usually tweak it a little (or a lot) before it’s ready to launch. But folks new to the worlds of small business often wonder exactly how to go about this.

Here’s the nutshell version of the advice I give to my students and clients. At the most fundamental level, every business has two basic elements that will either help it succeed or drag it into the ground: the business idea itself, and whether the owner(s) are well-suited to run it. If either the idea is flawed or the business isn’t a good fit for the folks running the show, failure (or at least some serious stagnation) is probably just a matter of time.

Let’s look a little more closely at each of these in reverse order, starting with the “you” part of the equation, then looking at the business idea.

What kind of business is a good fit for you?

Here’s the easy advice first: The best business for you is generally one in which you have key skills or experience. The more skills you have — either general business skills like sales or financial management, or skills specific to the business, like software engineering, jewelry making or running a café — the better you’ll be able to handle the key tasks and systems involved in running the business without having to rely on others. And experience in an industry will shorten your learning curve, giving you a head start in figuring out how to turn a profit.

But here’s some advice you might not hear as much: Business success isn’t just a matter of profits. It’s also incredibly important that your business supports the life you want to lead. While some Type A overachievers might disagree, my opinion is your life matters. I think this is especially true for entrepreneurs who are putting in the effort and taking the risks inherent in starting their own venture. Why bother to take this all on if not to nudge (or even shove) your life closer towards your ideal vision?

Remember, you are starting the business, and you get to define what success looks like. For some people, success means big profits, but for plenty of others it means freedom and ample personal time. If you neglect to consider the bigger picture of your life and how the business will serve it, who’s going to do it for you? That’s right: no one. It’s up to you.

There’s a tradeoff dynamic here that I think is very helpful to understand: Generally speaking, a business that offers short-term freedom and lower financial risk tends to come at the expense of greater long-term freedom and a higher potential for big profits. For example, starting a simple freelance business with no employees typically involves very little start-up money and allows a lot of personal freedom since you don’t have to worry about managing an office or staff. The downside, however, is that the business truly can’t run without you. If you take time off, the business essentially shuts down. And this will continue to be true unless and until you transition the business to one with staff (either employees or contractors) that are well managed, requiring policies and systems to be implemented.

Contrast this with a business that is started with a higher investment of both capital and time — say, a retail store with a couple employees. It will be a more intense start-up experience, involving more money and risk, and a much greater time commitment since it will be essential to train employees well and build systems that will help the business run like a well-oiled machine. But the reward is that in a year or two if things go well and you implemented systems successfully, you’ll be able to leave the business in the hands of the employees and managers you cultivated during the intense start-up phase. Hello 4-month (or longer) vacation!

The main point here is to include life planning in your business plan. It’s crucial to take the time early on to really examine your vision of your ideal lifestyle, and develop your business so that it fits into that vision. If you’re aiming to build an international empire and willing to give your business your all for at least a few years, great! But if you’re starting a business in order to get more balance, control, and enjoyment from your life, then you’ll need to consciously build a business that supports that.

Is your business idea a good one?

To put it very, very mildly, some business ideas are better than others. As a consultant and teacher I have heard some doozies! Some ideas are truly confounding — but the good news is that the problem can always be traced back to issues in defining the market.

You’ve undoubtedly heard all sorts of advice and guidance about “the market.” As in, “Know your market.” Or, “Target a profitable market.” Or, “Make sure there’s a market for your business.” But what exactly is “the market”? A lot of folks use the term as shorthand for your customer base — but they’re leaving out some important elements.

As I tell my clients and students, your market includes three key components: customers, competition and industry. I actually encourage people to visualize a market like a farmer’s market or flea market. To “know that market” means more than knowing who’s shopping there, right? You also need to know about the other vendors, and about the general background of the products being sold, like knowing price ranges for collectibles at a flea market or knowing which organic produce sells best at the farmer’s market.

So, when developing a business idea, think about these elements:

• What customers will you target? What are their buying habits — for example, do they prefer to shop online or in local retail stores? Are there enough of them and do they spend enough to support your idea?
• What competitors will you face? How do their products or services differ from yours? Are they targeting the same customers as you?
• What’s going on in your industry? Are there trends that your competition isn’t taking advantage of that you can?

Be brutally honest when evaluating your business along these lines. If you don’t believe there are enough customers to support you, there probably aren’t. If there’s a ton of strong competition, success may be very difficult — or at least very expensive — to achieve. If the industry is constantly changing (as with technology industries), you may find it difficult to keep pace.

Bottom line: There’s no substitute for evaluating your business idea by solidly assessing these aspects of its market. And besides careful market analysis, be sure to put conscious thought into the life you want to build by starting a business. By addressing both, you’ll vastly boost the chances of finding success on your own terms.

© 2010 Peri H. Pakroo J.D., author of The Women’s Small Business Start-Up Kit: A Step-by-Step Legal Guide

Peri Pakroo is a business and communications consultant, specializing in legal and start-up issues for businesses and nonprofits. She has started, participated in, and consulted with start-up businesses for 20 years. She is the author of The Women’s Small Business Start-Up Kit (Nolo) and top-selling business books. Her blog is atwww.peripakroo.com.

For more information, please visit www.nolo.com and follow the author on Twitter and Facebook.

Go to WomensSmallBusinessStartUpKit to access an e-galley of The Women’s Small Business Start-Up Kit on NetGalley. It can be read on the Nook, Kindle, Sony e-reader, or on your computer.

At least three times a week, stepmothers email me requesting a recommendation for good therapist where they live. Usually, I don’t know anyone in their area but I give them a list of questions to ask therapists before they finally select one with whom to work. Finding a good therapist requires some detective work. You need to find out some basic information to make sure you and a therapist share similar philosophies and goals. This will ensure that your experience in therapy helps rather than harms you.
 
Particularly with regard to stepmothers, many mental health professionals hold outdated ideas about stepfamilies, the most prevalent one being that “blending” is the ideal goal. If a stepmother complains that she feel like an outsider in her family despite numerous attempts to bond with her stepchildren, too many therapists will suggest that she keep trying to establish a relationship with them. This can be an exercise in frustration and futility as “blending” does not occur for most stepfamilies, and is not a necessary requirement for their overall happiness.
 
Other therapists unconsciously accept as true the cultural stereotype that stepmothers are to blame for all the family’s problems. They lack an understanding of the real challenges faced by stepmothers, and their ignorance and insensitivity may influence how they work with you. More than likely, you will waste your time and money. A bad experience in therapy may taint you from trying another therapist, and prevent you from getting the help you need and deserve.
 
I have been appalled by the bad experiences some stepmothers have had with therapists. In one of the monthly support groups I run, one* of the stepmothers shared that she, her husband, and 21 year old stepdaughter went to a family therapist for help. They were struggling to get along in her small one bedroom apartment. The stepdaughter was thrown out of her dorm for physically assaulting her roommate and needed to move in with them while attending college, and was sleeping on the living room couch. She was asked to not play the TV or radio after 1 AM to prevent awakening her father and stepmother. She refused to, or was unable to abide by this request and repeatedly disturbed her father and stepmother in the middle of the night. When they would politely ask her to turn off the TV or radio, she would have a tantrum (that would last for hours). When the family discussed this in therapy, the therapist felt that the stepmother was being unreasonable by asking for some peace and quiet, and should be more understanding of her stepdaughter who was still affected by her parent’s divorce, more than 15 years ago. This trauma, the therapist explained, prevented her from channeling her emotions maturely.
 
The belief that children are victims of divorce is both common and completely accurate. It is true that many children are traumatized by divorce, but this is an explanation rather than an excuse for their misbehavior. It is unacceptable for a 21 year old to have a temper tantrum when she doesn’t get her way. Adult temper tantrums are indicative of a bigger problem, one that was being ignored by both the therapist and her father. As long as his daughter was doing well in school and abstained from alcohol and drugs, he was satisfied with her behavior. He wasn’t concerned by the fact his daughter could not keep friends, got into physical altercations with them, and was fired from all of her jobs. His passivity regarding his daughter’s problems prevented him from acknowledging his wife’s frustrations and taking them seriously.
 
Not only was the stepmother disturbed by her husband’s stance, she was astonished that the therapist did not support her need to get a good night’s sleep since she was the only one in the family with a job. If she lost it, all of them would be homeless. The therapist did share with the family that she was a stepchild and never had a good relationship with her own stepmother. This factor probably contributed to her over identifying with the stepdaughter to the detriment of the stepmother. At her wit’s end, the stepmother was considering divorce; the only viable option in an otherwise untenable situation. This situation did not have to escalate to this crisis level if the family therapist was more sensitive to the stepmother’s needs.
 
To get the most out of therapy, you can screen for a stepmother savvy therapist by asking a few key questions, such as:

• What kind of, and how much experience have you had working with stepfamilies?
• What training have you had that is specifically related to stepfamily issues?
• Are you a stepmother? If the therapist feels this question is too personal, explain that you are experiencing challenges as a stepmother, and prefer to work with someone who truly understands the dynamic.
• Have you been a stepchild? Do you have a stepmother? If so, what kind of relationship do you have with her? If the therapist shares that she has had a negative one, ask the therapist if she can separate her own experiences when working with you.
• Do you believe that it’s necessary and desirable for stepfamilies to “blend” over time? If a therapist upholds that “blending” is customary in stepfamilies and is the ideal objective, ask what he or she recommends if it doesn’t happen. If they recommend that you continue to try to achieve this goal, call someone else.
• Don’t forget to ask the basic questions: are you licensed, what is your fee, and if the therapist is covered by insurance.

Unfortunately, you are not guaranteed to find the right therapist by just asking these questions. Only a consultation will give you the information you need to determine if you feel comfortable collaborating with the therapist to help you achieve greater happiness and contentment.
 
There are many terrific therapists; it just takes a little work to find the right one for you.
 
*Some information has been altered to protect the confidentiality of this stepmother.
 
© 2010 Rachelle Katz, Ed.D., LMFT, author of The Happy Stepmother: Stay Sane, Empower Yourself and Thrive in Your New Family

Rachelle Katz, Ed.D, LMFT, writes from a place of both personal experience — she’s been a stepmother for nineteen years — and professional expertise. A psychotherapist with twenty-five years of experience in private practice, since 2004 she has empowered thousands of women through her Web site,www.stepsforstepmothers.com.

“If you want to get a novel published, you need an agent.” True enough, but it’s better to get the right agent. Here’s how.

Use the Internet to find agents who are right for you. Six helpful sites are:

1. Agent Query bills itself as “the internet’s largest and most current database of literary agents.” Click on Full Search, then specify details such as genre and whether the agent is seeking new clients. Search results include not only basic contact information but also specifics on what the agent is looking for and, often, examples of recent deals. The site also offers articles on working with agents and resources such as writing websites and conferences.

2. QueryTracker.net boasts a database of more than 1,300 agents and offers a detailed advanced search feature including specific genres.

3. The Association of Authors’ Representatives requires members to adhere to a strict Canon of Ethics, so you know any member is legitimate (some perfectly legitimate agents do not belong). Click on Find an Agent to see which agents accept email submissions and which accept submissions via regular mail. Keyword Search and Advanced Search features are also available.

4. A $20 month-to-month subscription to Publishers Marketplace gives you access to an extensive searchable database of agents and their deals. A feature called Top Dealmakers tells you which agents make the most sales in a given genre. Another feature, Who Represents, allows you to find out who represents writers of books like yours.

5. Check an agent’s reputation at Preditors & Editors, a website that keeps an updated list of agents according to whether they’re reputable or not. Click on Agents & Attorneys, then look up the name alphabetically.

6. Finally, stop off at the Agents page of Writer Beware, which has helpful articles on how to spot and avoid dishonest agents.

Google agents you’re interested in to see if they have their own websites. You’ll usually find submission guidelines.

Now it’s time to approach agents. Have these items ready before you begin:

Complete manuscript. If you haven’t published a novel, submit a complete manuscript rather than a “proposal” (synopsis and sample chapters). If you have had a novel published by a commercial publisher, it’s OK to send a proposal.

Synopsis. The synopsis is a condensed overview of your novel which helps agents, editors and other publishing personnel evaluate it. Use the present tense and write one page for every 25 pages of manuscript. Tell the entire story, including the ending.

Query letter. A query letter is a one-page business letter. It briefly describes your novel (one paragraph) and specifies genre, title and word length. Provide relevant information about yourself: publishing credits, writers’ organizations you belong to, writing awards or citations, and any pertinent background (for example, you’re a surgeon and your novel is a medical thriller). Be professional, never cutesy. Ask if the agent would like to read your manuscript.

Follow all the agent’s specifications and instructions exactly (query, self-addressed stamped envelope, etc.).

If an agent bites, include your original query letter with your manuscript, along with a self-addressed stamped envelope for a reply.

If the agent takes you on, yippee!

And if the agent rejects you?

Don’t take it personally. It may have nothing to do with your material. The agent may not be accepting unpublished writers or new clients unless they are exceptional, but may not have said so because if he did, submissions would drop off. Another possibility is that she may already represent a novel too similar to yours but does not want to divulge that.

The “no,” however, may have everything to do with your material. Here are five of the most common situations you must avoid:

1. Derivative story idea. You must come up with something fresh within the expectations of your chosen genre.

2. No recognizable genre. Your book must have a genre, an obvious place on a shelf in the bookstores, and a clear comparison to books in the genre.

3. Wrong word length. Picking the wrong word length is a novice’s mistake. A 50,000-word mainstream novel is an immediate reject. So is a 175,000-word romantic comedy. Do your homework. Find the appropriate word length for your novel.

4. Grammatical and other problems. These are sudden-death errors: spelling, grammar, punctuation, improper manuscript formatting.

5. Writing that tells rather than shows. Novels today are mostly “show.” If you’re not sure what “show” and “tell” mean, consult any novel-writing guide or take a fiction course.

Follow these guidelines and eventually you will find an agent who understands and appreciates your work — and who will be able to sell it.

All you need is one.
 
© 2010 Evan Marshall and Martha Jewett, creators of The Marshall Plan ® Novel Writing Software
 
Article by Evan Marshall and Martha Jewett, creators of The Marshall Plan® Novel Writing Software, an adaptation of the bestselling Marshall Plan® series of writing guides. Evan is an internationally recognized expert on fiction writing and author of the Hidden Manhattan and Jane Stuart and Winky mystery series. A former book editor, for 27 years he has been a leading literary agent specializing in fiction. He is the president of The Evan Marshall Agency, a leading literary management firm that represents a number of New York Times and USA Today bestselling authors. Martha is a former award-winning business book editor at McGraw-Hill, John Wiley & Sons, and HarperBusiness. She is currently a literary agent and editorial consultant specializing in business books. An avid memoirist, she blogs at www.writeyourmemoir.com.

For more information, please visit writeanovelfast.com and follow the authors on Facebook and Twitter.

 
Start to finish, how long did it take to write Fortuna?
 
Eighteen months.
 
 
How did you get the idea?
 
I learned from NPR that online role-playing games have real economies, just like America or Japan, and I thought that was astonishing. That special sword you need in order to kill a particular dragon? It’s worth actual dollars. You can buy stuff like that on eBay. And if I steal your sword while we’re playing online, you can sue me in a real-world court. That’s already happening in Asia. I was also attracted by the anonymity of these games. How far will people go if no one knows who they are, and their actions have no consequences? Of course, in the book, there are consequences.
 
 
Which part of the writing process did you enjoy most?  Why?
 
Like most professional writers, I have a sort of ritual. I write almost exclusively in cafés, usually in the morning. What could be better than to be in a place where there’s a lot of intellectual energy, you get these wonderful caffeinated drinks—maybe a croissant—and then you get to do the same thing Hemingway or Sartre did? By the way, I should say that drinking lots of coffee is arguably the only talent I share with those great writers.
 
 
What part of the writing process did you find most challenging?  Why?
 
Dealing with editors!  When I worked in advertising, my writing often got edited in ways that harmed the project, and over the years I came to hate that. So I have this automatic negative reaction to the editing process that’s not always fair to the editor.
 
 
Did you have to do any special research while writing Fortuna?  If so, what did you research and how did you conduct the research?
 
I read a lot of books about Renaissance Italy and the major houses. Some of it was very detailed, like issues about coinage and interest rates and other business practices. I also studied the paintings. I didn’t have to research the technical stuff. I knew about that by working with dozens of high-tech companies over the years.
 
 
Do any of the characters in Fortuna have an autobiographical component? If so, which character, and how are you similar?
 
The autobiographical components are negligible. I did attend Stanford, and I was an executive in a rather large corporation, and I think that helps give Fortuna an authentic feel. But neither Jason nor his father are stand-ins for yours truly.
 

 
How did you get the ideas for the characters in Fortuna? Are any of the characters based on people you know?
 
I think every character in every novel is based on people the author knows or fragments of people pieced together in new ways. But as far as specific characters in Fortuna, what the lawyers so often recite is true:  “any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.”
 
 
What do you think is your protagonist, Jason Lind’s, most admirable quality?
 
He questions things.
 
 
What do you think is Jason Lind’s least admirable quality?
 
Through much of the book, he can’t act with conviction, at least that’s how I see it. He has a little of Hamlet’s fatal hesitation, not that I’m comparing myself with Shakespeare. I think most readers would agree that he should commit more fully to his girlfriend in real life rather than chasing after an online heroine.
 
 
How do you think you are most like Jason Lind?
 
I have always had a question about how I fit into society. I still do.
 
 
How do you think you are least like Jason Lind?
 
Jason wants to plan things. I tend not to look before I leap.
 
 
What is your interest in online role-playing games?
 
For me, online role playing games are like an e-mail or instant messaging service that lets me conveniently connect with people. Second Life also helps me to keep my other languages sharp because, at different times of the day, there are people online from all over the world. The role-playing aspect for me is nil. I am not part of a Gorean clan or anything like that.
 
 
What do you think attracts Jason Lind to Fortuna—the escape, or the anonymity it affords him?
 
The English major in me has to point out that Jason Lind isn’t a person, but a literary creation. Having said that, I think the short answer is escape. In Fortuna, Jason is an adult. In real life—“RL” as gamers say—Jason plays a role that is subordinate to the adults who run things.
 
 
What do you think, in general, is the allure that draws people in to online role-playing games?
 
Romance, sexuality, adventure, and violence are the primary themes of most online role-playing games. It’s sad, but that’s why people play.  We live in a lonely, angry society. And online role-playing games give us a chance to have what we feel is missing in our lives anonymously. That removes a lot of inhibitions. A third factor is the lack of consequences. If a woman walks on the wild side and finds herself about to be attacked in a dark alley, she can just press the delete button.
 
 
Do you think there’s a real danger in becoming compulsive, such as Jason does, when playing online games?
 
Yes. There are people who are online eight, ten, twelve hours a day, so yes, the danger is real. At the same time, this may be a good thing for some people, for example, those who are confined to a bed due to chronic illness.
 
How possible—and plausible—do you think a virtual community such as the one you present in Fortuna is?
 
There’s no issue of possibility or plausibility. Such virtual communities exist. For example, there is a large online “Gorean” community with villages, costumes, etc., based on the (notorious and trashy) “Gor” novels of John Norman. There are also several such communities revolving around vampire lore. It is amazing to me, I’ll say in passing, how many women seek out the role of virtual slavery in these communities.
 
 
As someone with a background in technology, how have you seen gaming evolve over the years?  Do you think gaming has changed for the better?  Why or why not?
 
The great leap forward in online gaming communities was the introduction of graphics, which are becoming increasingly realistic as time passes. The older virtual communities were based entirely on text, which combined dialog and what might be called stage directions. (He grasps her by the shoulders and pushes her down onto the bed. She whimpers, “No, please.”) Some say that the text approach has fewer limitations and is more imaginative.
 
 
You present a great deal of detail about Renaissance Florence in Fortuna.  What is your interest in Renaissance Florence?
 
Renaissance Florence was the birthplace of the modern global economy. In many ways it was the Silicon Valley of its time. It was also the birthplace of Machiavelli. If our business leaders and politicians would study Renaissance Florence more carefully, we would be much better off as a nation.
 
 
Do you intentionally draw parallels between today’s Mafia families and the prominent families of the Renaissance?
 
Yes. They are quite similar. The style of execution, for example, hasn’t changed at all. Nor has the importance of execution itself as a tactic.
 
 
What made you want to write a novel?
 
Isn’t that the dream of every English major?
 
 
Which writers influence and inspire you?
 
Not very many, and they’re not politically correct. Frank Herbert, the seventies’ science fiction writer. John Updike. Lawrence Durrell and others, I’m sure.
 
 
If you could give an aspiring author one piece of advice, what would it be?
 
I think attending writers’ conferences is very, very helpful, especially when it comes to selling and marketing a novel. It’s really the only way to get a good understanding of what the players are like: the agents, the acquisition editors, even the other writers, who can be friends as well as competitors. Also, aspiring writers should read my blog at www.fortunathebook.com, where I tell all about what it’s like to actually get published.
 
 
What is the best piece of writing advice you’ve ever received?
 
Somebody once told me that every short story should begin with something like, “Tom Smith glanced at his watch. Eleven thirty. If he didn’t get to the top of the mountain by noon, he’d be dead.” I think particularly today, in the era of short attention spans, each segment of a novel has to be like a short story that keeps people turning the pages. This approach, I should add, does not preclude the exploration of important, complex questions.
 
 
The worst?
 
“Writing is re-writing.” I say, get it right the first time. If your work needs a lot of editing, you’re not very good.
 
 
What do you hope readers will take away from Fortuna?
 
I hope readers are led to question some of their romantic visions of what human societies are like, and to take a new look at Machiavelli’s vision. I don’t mean that it’s a good idea to simply kill your enemies—it’s not!—but other aspects of his work have relevance, particularly in U.S. foreign policy and also in understanding the problems that plague inner cities.
 
 
What’s next for Michael Stevens?  Any other books in the works?
 
My next project is a novel of industrial espionage set in Berlin, 1923, during the Weimar Republik and before the rise of Hitler. The working title is “U,” which is the chemical symbol for uranium.
 

 
Fortuna is available from all good bookstores, including Amazon, now.

 
Many thanks to Michael and also to Maryglenn at OceanView Publishing for allowing us to share this interview!  – Ed.

Here are a few more examples of gerunds correctly modified by possessives:

• How much money you have?
• Having a big house and an expensive car?
• How expensive your clothes are?
• Traveling first class on airlines?
• How attractive you are?
• How attractive your partner is?
• How famous you are?
• Winning or being the best at something?
• How many beautiful people want to have sex with you?
• How many friends you have?
• How much attention and approval you get?

Unfortunately, the media often supports defining success in many of the above ways.
 
But are you successful just because you have a lot of money, even if you had to use others to get it? What if you made millions and others suffered as a result of your choices? What if you live in a big house and drive an expensive car but find it difficult to be loving to your partner or your children – or to yourself?
 
What if you defined success by how much to you contribute to another or to society? What if you define success by how kind you are to yourself and to others and by what you contribute to the world? What if success is not defined by how many widgets you sell, but by how many people you help and how joyful you are?
 
There are many people who find it easy to make money, or achieve fame but find it very difficult to be kind to themselves and to the people closest to them. There are many people who are outwardly successful yet act out in ways that are harmful to themselves and others. Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, and OJ Simpson come to mind of people who achieved everything but never defined success and inner worth by being loving to themselves and to their families. Instead they defined success by getting sex or by whom they possessed.
 
What if these people had defined their success and their sense of worth by how well they took loving care of themselves, how kind they were to their families, and how much they contributed to society? Would they have chosen to harm themselves and others to fill their emptiness and avoid the pain that they were causing by their own self-abandonment?
 
Another example is Michael Jackson, who was incredibly unkind to himself, constantly distorting himself rather than learning to be kind and accepting toward himself. If he had learned to fully embrace his true Self and to define his worth and success by his ability to love rather than by his looks or approval, he might be alive today.
 
The movie industry is riddled with stars who have everything – money, fame, looks, admiration – and who struggle with various addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, food, and sex. We see various stars on TV, constantly losing and gaining weight, or going in and out of rehab. Why are they so unhappy and empty that they keep turning to addictions?
 
Obviously, everything they have externally does nothing to fill the void INTERNALLY.  External success actually does nothing to fill the inner emptiness that leads to substance abuse, sexual addiction, and other forms of addiction, as well as to anger, blame and rage. External success is great for financial security and freedom to do whatever you want, but being a truly joyful person demands a different definition of success.
 
What if love, kindness, generosity, caring, compassion, empathy, and understanding toward ourselves and others, and helpful contributions to society were lauded as the hallmarks of success? What if our newspapers and news channels devoted their stories to people who had learned how to truly love themselves enough to be able to extend their love out to others and contribute to the good of the planet?  What if supporting our own highest good and the highest good of all was valued more than money? What if kindness – to yourself and with others – was your guiding light?
 
The chances are that you would know, deep within your soul, that you are a huge success – that you are doing what you came to this planet to do!
 
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course: http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome, and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

America’s 123,000 libraries purchase nearly $2 billion worth of books annually, according to statistics from the American Library Association and the Book Industry Study Group. Nonfiction books are especially well suited to library sales. To sell fiction to libraries, it’s helpful to have reviews in journals, awards, or a strong local tie-in, such as a novel being set in the region.

Here are ten tips on how to sell to libraries:

1. Publish a library-friendly book. Library books take a lot of abuse, so libraries prefer books that are sturdy. However, given the choice between a hardcover and paperback edition, they may choose the paperback because it’s less expensive. Libraries generally will not purchase books with spiral or other nontraditional binding, and they don’t like books with “fill-in-the-blank” pages. Nonfiction books should have a good index and preferably a bibliography. Librarians also prefer to purchase books that are cataloged using CIP (cataloging-in-publication) data.

2. Get your book reviewed in a library journal. Library purchasing decisions are based largely on reviews in the major journals. It’s impossible for librarians to keep up with the huge volume of books being published, and they value the screening process that the journals provide. Eligibility and submission instructions vary by publication, so read the requirements carefully. Unfortunately, the journals can review only a small percentage of submissions.

3. Make sure your book is available through major library wholesalers such as Baker & Taylor and Ingram. The majority of library purchases are made through wholesalers, and some libraries won’t order directly from small publishers.

4. Apply to work with a library distributor such as Quality Books or Unique Books, if you publish nonfiction.

5. Solicit testimonials from librarians to add to your marketing materials, and play up any awards the book has won.

6. Contact libraries in your area to inquire about programs for local authors, and contact libraries in towns you visit. Let the library know about your events or media coverage in the area, such as book signings, radio interviews, or newspaper feature stories.

7. Look into speaking opportunities at libraries, like lectures and readings. In some cases you can sell copies of your book at your event or even get paid a speaking fee. Sometimes these events are organized by the “friends of the library” or other similar volunteer groups.

8. Send direct mail to libraries, either on your own or through co-operative mailings. Address mail to the Collection Development Librarian for your subject area, and include a flyer with book details and a list of wholesalers and distributors that carry your book.

9. Consider donating a sample copy of your book to a few top library systems, to encourage purchases for branch libraries.

10. Exhibit at library tradeshows through co-operative exhibit programs such as those offered through the Independent Book Publishers Association, Combined Book Exhibit, and other organizations.

Excerpted from The Savvy Book Marketer’s Guide to Selling Your Book to Libraries.

I can’t read Genesis without recognizing bits and pieces of my own life, and the lives of people I know. No surprise, really, given how the biblical characters are nothing like the cardboard saints I learned about in Sunday school. Their lives, like mine, like yours, like all great drama, are driven in large part by folly, by moments of tragedy, comedy, and rich irony. Below you will find nothing about religion, only observations about people. Whether you regard them as historical or entirely fictional, and however you regard the mythical-supernatural elements in their stories, their DNA, embedded in the foundations of Western civilization, has given shape to who we are as a people and as individuals, the religious and unreligious alike.

Lesson 1: Nursing anger is a fool’s game: Cain

If you’ve ever offered an idea that was snubbed, or given a gift that was ignored, then you and Cain share something in common, even if you didn’t kill anybody.

In the story, Cain a farmer, and Abel a sheepherder, each present an offering to Yahweh. Abel’s offering is acknowledged, Cain’s ignored. Family systems theory might interpret what happens next as part of a pattern of alienation. Imagine Cain in that moment: Angry, hurt, and confused, he stands there, watching, listening, his mood shifting, darkening, familiar, a silent scream building, wanting release, to shout, “What is this? Am I invisible?” And yet, what could he do about it? Take a swing at Yahweh? Probably not. But Abel, his little brother — now, he was another matter.

We’ve all done it. With too much frustration at work, at school, too much traffic, too much heat, we share our darker side with whomever is down the food chain and handy — subordinates, the kids, younger siblings, the dog, the cat. Why? Because in that moment, beneath all the reasons, like Cain, we’d rather behave like that than not behave like that. Cain’s anger, nursed and self-justified over time, had become a character in his life and, no doubt, in the life of his family. Vibrating just below critical mass, unable to absorb another real or perceived slight, it erupts. Which, ironically, gives a forensic framework for making sense of Cain’s actions while making Abel no less dead.

Lesson 2: You reap what you sow, and that thing you want more than anything might arrive with more than you bargained for: Jacob

The Jacob we first meet in the narrative wants, and is determined to have, the blessing that would make him patriarch. But he is the second-born son, and such blessings go to the first-born. No worries, he’ll steal it. Being ethically challenged, he could avoid the angst others might feel about absconding with a brother’s life and focus on the door of opportunity. When it opened, with his mother’s help, he fooled his old, nearly blind father into thinking that he was Esau. Suddenly, the goal that had defined and energized his imagination was realized! What a moment! And what a bummer when his mother came to say that Esau, his brother, a tough, dangerous individual “is consoling himself by planning to kill you.” Oops.

So he goes to live with his mother’s brother, Laban, where he is smitten with Rachel, Laban’s daughter. He wants her, she wants him, and since Jacob is broke and can’t pay the bride-price, “How about I work for you for seven years, after which Rachael and I will marry?” Done. After seven celibate years, a few days of wedding celebration — What a night! And what a bummer when he wakes up to discover that it had been Leah under that heavy veil! Jacob was outraged, but Uncle Laban reminded him that tradition required that the oldest daughter be married first. The irony, of course, is that Laban had pulled the same bait and switch that Jacob had pulled on his father. A man could have multiple wives, so Laban tells Jacob that he can still have Rachael — in exchange for another seven years.
He wanted the blessing, he got the blessing, plus his brother’s hatred and twenty years of exile. He wanted Rachel, he got Rachel, and her sister, and their handmaidens (surrogate wives), eleven sons, a daughter, and a sleazy father-in-law.

Lesson 3: There are people who just don’t get it (and never will): Laban

Biblical sleaze par excellence, even the sages of the Midrash didn’t like Laban.

First he tricks Jacob into marrying his oldest daughter. Then, he trys it a second time. After years of indentured servitude, Jacob is owed a substantial severance package. When he tells Laban how little he wants, Laban, surprised, had only to hold up his end of the bargain, and that would have been the end of it. But Laban wants more. Like Jacob, he is greedy, deceitful, and clever. Unlike Jacob, he does not evolve. All those years before, when he’d substituted Leah for Rachel, Jacob had been starry-eyed with love and lust. Now clear headed, wary, and watchful, he sees Laban coming, and turning the game back on him, leaves him and his family in a state of near financial ruin. The last we see of Laban is an attempt at saving face, a confrontation with Jacob in which he proves himself to be a dedicated fool.

Lesson 4. Even if Mommy and Daddy say it’s not you, if everyone else hates your guts, it’s probably you: Joseph

Either you know him, knew him, or you are him — I mean the self-absorbed little creep at whom everyone has wanted to scream, “Who the hell do you think you are?” If pop psychology is anywhere near the mark, and such outrage is evidence of projection onto another of some despised, denied part of the self, then Joseph’s brothers harbored some serious self-hatred, given how they despised the ground he walked on and the air he breathed. He ratted on them every chance he got, then told them of the dreams in which they’d all bowed down to him. But he was daddy’s favorite, and no brotherly beatings or threats were allowed. Moreover, none of the nonverbal hostilities beamed his way could penetrate his certainty that everyone loved him more than they loved themselves.

In time, Joseph, the gifted, self-absorbed boy, will morph into the gifted, consciously aware grown-up who saves the known world from starvation. The crisis that sets it all in motion is his showing up in that gorgeous, expensive coat. That being the proverbial straw, they jumped him, stripped him, tossed him into a pit — and broke for lunch. As they were eating, they spotted a caravan and, deciding it would be less traumatic for them to sell him into slavery than kill him, they made a deal for twenty pieces of silver.

Lesson 5: There are certain experiences that we humans are not designed for: Post-flood Noah and his family

First of all, follow the dimensions given for the ark and what you’ll build is not a boat but a huge cargo container-like structure with one smallish opening in the roof and a door on the side. Second, what the people inside that thing endured was not a slow filling up of the world. The notion of forty days and nights of rain is from a single sentence inserted into a larger narrative in which, as scholar Richard Eliot Freedman writes, Yahweh unleashes “a cosmic crisis in which the very structure of the universe is endangered.”

In other words, stuffed into a huge box, the whole of what remained of life now finds itself in the midst of a catastrophe of such violence that existence, itself, is threatened with non-existence.

Physically, they survive, but they are not the same, and their world is not the same. A slow deterioration sets in, the sort we see time and again in survivors of airline, train, and car crashes, in the victims of natural disasters, in combat veterans — the dazed countenance, the depression, the quick anger, and the unutterable sadness of our fellow human beings who’ve seen, done, experienced things for which we humans are not designed to endure.

© 2010 John R. Coats, author of Original Sinners: A New Interpretation of Genesis

John R. Coats holds his master’s degrees from Virginia Theological Seminary and Bennington College Writing Seminars. A former Episcopal priest, he was a principal speaker and seminar leader for the More To Life training program in the United States, Great Britain, and South Africa and an independent management consultant. He lives with his wife in Houston, Texas.

For more information please visit www.JohnRCoats.com and connect with him on Facebook.

You would certainly recognize your signature on a piece of paper, but do you know your own emotional signature? We all have one. It’s our predictable way of reacting to situations. Your friends probably recognize your emotional signature better than you do. When you get into a fight with your partner, for example, they can predict just how it will go. They know if you’re likely to slam a door, storm out of the house, or call your mother. They know if you’ll be processing the argument for days or immediately shut down and clam up. How do they know so much? They know because they’ve seen it all before. Our behavior may seem spontaneous to us, but to those who know us, we’re not too surprising.
 
Why don’t we pay more attention to understanding our own patterns? We may have a solid financial plan worked out that will buy us a house, pay for our kids’ college and our retirement, but we don’t give much thought to getting the most benefit out of one of the most precious resources for happiness — our emotions. Often, we just leave it to chance.
 
We may not like to admit it, but we’re creatures of habit. We have our daily routines all worked out. It’s how we keep our busy lives simple and convenient. We don’t have to decide every day whether we’ll walk to work, take the bus, or drive. We even fall in love and handle our relationships in predictable ways. Just as we have our daily routines, we have habits of thought and feeling that keep our emotional life simple. We don’t have to guess who’s going to pay the bills and who’s going to spend most of the money (although we may talk about it a lot). We have our own special ways of telling our partner, “I’m annoyed with you, don’t talk to me,” or “I’m bored, so I’m not really hearing anything you’re saying.”
 
When we’re hurt, scared, furious, or jealous, we don’t have to figure out how to show it. Our emotional triggers are set; they go off in the same ways again and again, carrying us to the same places every time. If we have a habit of blaming, we accuse. If we have a habit of withdrawing, we disappear. If we have a habit of controlling, we threaten. Everyone else we know may be able to predict how our patterns will play out, but we’re often blind to the process. Even when we can predict how we’ll react, it usually doesn’t change the outcome. There’s a popular saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. We resist the idea that this anger or this jealousy isn’t justified. We may not like it, but we don’t see how to avoid pulling the trigger.
 
In spite of all the challenges they pose, there’s nothing wrong with having emotions. Emotions are a fundamental part of who you are — an expression of your basic intelligence and creative energy. When you can explore and get to know them without reacting immediately to their energy, they can be a source of wisdom and compassion. They can open your mind and your heart. They can lead you beyond your habitual patterns into new emotional territory. They can teach you generosity, patience, and courage. It’s only when you don’t allow yourself to feel your emotions or when you distort their energy that you can get into trouble with them.
 
When we operate primarily on the basis of our habitual patterns, we run into problems. At the first flash of emotion, we move so quickly into our habitual ways that we completely miss that first moment. It was so authentic — it could have told us so much. But we never even saw it or felt it. We’ve already lost touch with the fresh, creative energy at the core of our being and skipped to our usual way of expressing our anger or jealousy. The regrettable words have been said, the door has been slammed.
 
We’re also very judgmental of our emotions. If we think they’re too raw, if we think they’re impolite, we try to dress them up with positive thoughts and make them more respectable. When we manipulate our feelings this way, consciously or unconsciously, we’re trying to get them to match up with our familiar emotional signature. But that’s just another way to lose our connection to their vitality and wisdom.
 
The Message of our Emotions
 
If our partner hurts our feelings, offends us or shocks us, we can’t even name the intense emotions we feel at first. The feelings haven’t yet formed into anger or any other solid emotion. For a moment, we’re suspended in a space of pure openness, where anything is possible. If we can just stop and remain in that space for a moment — without any answers or judgments — we have a chance to connect with the wakeful qualities of our emotions and hear their message. Especially in crises of the heart, our emotions are the first responders, but if we jump to conclusions too soon, it’s like we’re ignoring their instructions. They’re trying to tell us which pathways are clear, and where the emergency exits are (this way to insight, that way to humor — and if all else fails, leave before you do something you’ll regret). If we don’t pause and listen to our emotions, we might just end up running back and forth inside a burning building.
 
If we’re going to understand ourselves, much less another person, we have to look beneath our patterns and face our emotions in their natural, undisguised state. When we’re stuck at the level of our habitual dramas, it’s like going through the day half awake, barely conscious of the world’s brilliance. Some part of us may like this half-asleep state, where nothing is too bright, too energetic, or too unknown. But another part of us can hardly wait to be free, to take a chance, to see what’s on the other side of the mountain.
 
How do we get unstuck from these patterns so we can respond to our experiences spontaneously?
 
We don’t have change everything about who we are and what we do. We just have to bring awareness to our thoughts and emotional reactions. We can take one small step at a time towards waking up in the present moment. That’s where we hear a note of music and feel its life force. It’s where we enjoy a laugh, soothe our aches and pains, and feel our heart opening.
 
Everyone’s emotional signature is different, but we all share the experience of being alive. We all know the joys and sorrows of love and hate, hope and fear, altruism and self-centeredness. And we all instinctively know that life, despite all its challenges, is precious. So, it just makes sense to look into the life we have and find ways to make it as meaningful and happy as possible After all, we don’t throw money away or put artwork in the trash with our junk mail! We take great care of our personal assets, and one of our most valuable and misunderstood resources is our emotions. To become free of the unhappiness they can cause in our relationships, we only have to respect and accept our emotions, moment by moment, and be willing to work with them.
 
© 2010 Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche

Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche is a widely celebrated teacher known for his skill in making the full richness of Buddhist wisdom accessible to modern minds. A lover of urban culture, Rinpoche enjoys writing poetry and creating art of various kinds in his leisure time. Based in the United States for the past 20 years, he devotes much of his energy to his vision of a genuine American, and Western, Buddhism, free from the cultural trappings that sometimes distort the Buddha’s essential message of wakefulness. Born in 1965 in northeast India, Rinpoche received comprehensive training in the meditative and intellectual disciplines of Indian and Tibetan Buddhism under the guidance of many of the greatest masters from Tibet’s final pre-exile generation. Among the many organizational roles he juggles, he is the founder and principal teacher of Nalandabodhi, an international network of Buddhist practice centers. His latest book is Rebel Buddha (Shambhala Publications) forthcoming in November 2010. For more information please visit Rinpoche on Facebook, Twitter and his Website.

It seems these amazingly prolific authors do nothing else with their lives but write. They would have to in order to produce the sheer volume of work that leaves their desks, wouldn’t they?
 
Not necessarily.
 
The key to increasing your productivity is to fully utilize your allotted writing time by writing your already-planned material first. You do have an allotted time scheduled for your writing, don’t you?
 
Maybe we’d better skip straight to the tips then.
 
Here are the top ten ways to increase your writing productivity today…
 
10 – Time Management
Create a weekly time-table for yourself. Be honest about how much time you can afford to set aside purely for writing without distraction. This time is NOT to be used for reading or researching. This is pure creative writing time. Stick to this time-table as rigorously as you can.
 
9 – Read
Read everything. Read books you’ve read before because you love them. Read really bad books. Read outside your usual genre. Read advertisements on cereal boxes. You’ll quickly learn what makes a story or article memorable and how to spot a lemon at 500 paces. Just read.
 
8 – Plan
Always have a basic idea of what you will write before you sit down to the task. Think about this in the car (or bus) on the way home. Create the upcoming conflict while you are in the shower. Talk over the impending scene at dinner (and if you are alone, tell the dog/cat/plant – it doesn’t matter!) However you arrange it, by the time you sit down to write it, the scene will be almost perfected in your mind. Writers block cannot exist if you’ve already planned what you are going to write.
 
7 – Deadline
Set yourself a realistic, yet strict deadline. If you are writing an article, set your deadline for the day after you anticipate finalizing the research. No excuses. If you are writing a longer piece, be aware of your own limitations, but don’t be so lenient on yourself that you procrastinate forever.
 
6 – Pressure
Put yourself under pressure. Nobody creates their best work under pressure, but it will be enough to get a completed draft finished. You can always revise and perfect it later, but get it done first. Set that deadline, then email your friends and call your family. Tell them what project you are working on. Tell them when you plan to have it ready. Then tell them they must call you (or email you) on that day to read your efforts. If you have not completed this task, they are allowed to tease/taunt/chide you until your ears burn. That’s pressure! And accountability, which is a key motivator.
 
5 – Ideas
Keep a file or notepad of ideas that strike you. Take it with you everywhere you go and write down every little thing that seems interesting. It might not fit into the story you are working on, but it just may inspire something else later on.
 
4 – Multi-Task
Never work on only one project at a time. This sounds like the easiest way to distract yourself, but it works. The mind is a strange creature. If you actively begin three projects at once, then anytime your mind refuses to cooperate with one storyline or character situation, switch to a short story or article instead.
 
3 – Edit
Be ruthless. Remember, you’re on a deadline here, so cut your beloved words to the bone, where the real story is hiding beneath all that flowery prose. Be sure your character’s eyes are the same color at the end as they were at the beginning. Check that your plot makes some kind of sense, and know when to throw out words you love. You can always put them into the ‘ideas file’ and re-use them later, so don’t panic.
 
2 – Submit
There is no point in writing if you are never going to submit it to the judgmental eyes of a complete stranger. So do a little homework, find a suitable market for your piece and send it out the door. Not tomorrow, but now. It’s written, edited and polished, so it’s no good to you sitting in the bottom drawer. If it is rejected, send it back out. A rejection is not personal. It’s an editor’s way of telling you they already spent their budget this month. Send it to someone with better money sense.
 
And The Number One way to Increase Your Productivity is…
 
1 – Write More
Silly isn’t it? But it is true. Switch off the television. Put the kids to bed a little earlier. Get out of bed an hour earlier. Take a pocket-recorder with you in the car. Jot things down in your lunch-break. Pretend to have a tummy-bug and lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour (this works!!) Take a notepad to bed with you instead of a book. Stop surfing the net and open a new word-processing file.
 
But write more.
 
Lee Masterson is a freelance writer from South Australia. She is also the editor of Fiction Factor – a free online magazine for writers, offering tips and advice on getting published, articles to improve your writing skills, heaps of writer’s resources and much more.

Forget Someone’s Name? What Would Rob Do?

When nobody else has been around to help out, I’ve also tried getting someone to talk about her own name. I’d say something like, “I used to get made fun of all the time when I was little because people would call me names like ‘Saxophone’ or ‘Sexy Sachs’ or ‘Rob my sacks of cats.’” (Okay, nobody ever used the last one.) After sharing my story, I’d ask if she ever got teased, hoping she will give me a funny story that I can use to remember her name. Or sometimes I’d inquire, “What did your family call you when you were little?” Hopefully, it won’t be Princess.

If you’re not so good at face-to-face reconnaissance, there are less invasive methods for procuring names. In college I used to peek in backpacks, binders, notebooks, or anything that might have a name written on it. Now you can use social Web sites like Facebook or MySpace to see if you can figure out who somebody is through your circle of friends. You can also befriend someone who is really good with names and have him act as your personal Rolodex. Another “more advanced” technique is to challenge a person to a rap battle. The trick is to begin your rhyme with the words, “My name is . . . ” Mine goes something like this:

My name is Rob,
I’m on the job
And though I eat with my hands,
I ain’t no slob.

Then tell her it’s her turn and she needs to follow the same format. Sit back and wait for her to give up the goods.

These tricks don’t always fly in a work setting (though it would be fun to rap battle with some of my coworkers). There are times when the easiest thing to do is to come clean about forgetting someone’s name. Within the first thirty seconds of talking to someone, it’s okay to say, “I’m an idiot and I’ve forgotten your name.” If you’re not feeling self-deprecating, a simple “Oh, remind me of your name again?” will do as well. Letting a conversation go longer than five minutes without saying that makes you not only an idiot but a jerk, since the person you’re talking to thinks you’ve been duping him the whole conversation.

My career at NPR has taken me from Washington, D.C., to Los Angeles and back to D.C. I knew there would be a lot of people I’d recognize but whose names I’d forget. To get some new tricks for the workplace, I called memory expert Harry Lorayne. He holds memory seminars all the time and has a full line of memory-related products. He was at first reluctant to talk to me, since people usually pay a lot of money to get the information he gives. Fortunately, I got him to open up on my specific problem of forgetting names, and he gave me a few hints.

He said that most of the names we forget are ones we never heard in the first place. Many times when people tell us their names, we’re not really paying attention. When you hear someone say his or her name, you have to flag it in your brain as a vital piece of information. Lorayne recommended repeating the name right away to try to commit it to memory.

Let’s say you’re meeting me. I’ll say, “Hi, my name is Rob Sachs.” You can first verify that you heard it being pronounced the right way. Say it back to me. “Rob Sachs, is that correct?” Second, you can make a quick association with the name, or start talking about it in the conversation. Ask if Sachs has any relation to Saks Fifth Avenue or Goldman Sachs. (There is none, by the way.) The more you talk about the name right away, the more likely you are to remember it.

Another possibility is to try to associate someone’s name with one of his physical characteristics. For instance, if you meet someone named Ben Green and you notice he has green eyes, you can repeat that in your head. Ben Green with the green eyes. Ben who has eyes that are green. Ben’s last name is Green. My trick for remembering a name like Mikhail Gorbachev would be to think of the red splotch on his head as being gory. “Gory splotch” sounds like “Gorbachev.” This might be a stretch, but it can work. The idea is to have a visual cue that correlates to the name.

Lorayne said another great thing to do is to use the name as often as you can over the course of your conversation. Try to eliminate all pronouns and just say the person’s name instead, while always being careful not to say the name too much, since that can be a little creepy. “So Rob, what do you think about the weather? How about those Phillies, Rob? Rob, what brings you here?” I’ve tried this out, and to my amazement, it works. People also appreciate hearing their own name, because it makes them feel you care about them, or are a thoughtful person.

Harry Lorayne is a pro at this. He can repeat the names of a whole roomful of people he’s just met. He told me that if you practice a lot and work on it, over time you will get better at it. These techniques have already started to help me in the office, though I still have one more trick. If I didn’t catch someone’s name or have forgotten it, I now go to the new searchable online database of NPR employees that contains everyone’s picture from their photo ID. It’s my own little office facebook, and I’ve lost more than a few hours of productivity studying it.

The above is an adapted excerpt from the book What Would Rob Do?: An Irreverent Guide to Surviving Life’s Daily Indignities by Rob Sachs. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

Copyright © 2010 Rob Sachs, author of What Would Rob Do?: An Irreverent Guide to Surviving Life’s Daily Indignities

Rob Sachs has spent the last ten years as a producer, reporter, and director for NPR shows, including Morning Edition, All Things Considered, and Tell Me More. He created the podcast What Would Rob Do? in 2006 and serves as its host.

For more information, please visit www.WhatWouldRobDo.com.
Follow the author on Twitter: @robsachs
Follow the author on Facebook: facebook.com/whatwouldrobdo
Click here to subscribe to Rob’s podcast.

Imagine what it would be like to have a financial plan that gives you predictability, control and tax advantages – a method that lets you bank on yourself, rather than Wall Street, the government, or an employer.

It may surprise you to learn that such a method already exists… and has for over a century. Hundreds of thousands of people use it, and not one lost a single penny in their plans when the stock and real estate markets crashed. In fact, their nest-eggs have all continued growing every year – safely and predictably.

As a consultant to financial advisors, I’ve researched over 450 savings and investing products and strategies over the past two decades. Most proved to be worthless, or even dangerous to your financial health. I was fortunate to finally stumble on a method that many folks with conservative values agree may well be the best way to invest money.

I call this method “Bank On Yourself,” because it lets you take back control of your financial future, stop relying on others for your financial security, and become your own source of financing. Let’s take a look at the three keys to a successful financial plan that this time-tested method gives you: Predictability, control, and tax advantages.

Key #1: Predictability

My research into financial strategies led me to conclude that Americans have been brainwashed into believing we must risk our money in order to grow it. It is possible to grow a substantial nest egg – without the risk or volatility of stocks, mutual funds, real estate, and other investments.

There is an asset class that has increased in value during every stock market decline and every period of economic boom and bust for more than a century.

That asset is dividend-paying whole life insurance.

A dividend-paying whole life policy grows by a guaranteed and pre-set amount every year. In addition, the growth is exponential, meaning it gets better (more efficient) every single year you have the policy, simply because you stick with it. And no luck, skill, or guesswork is required to make that happen.

Furthermore, there are little-known options that can be added to the policy which turbo-charge the growth of your equity (”cash value”) in the policy.

Once credited to your policy, both your guaranteed annual cash value increase, plus any dividends you may receive, are locked in. They don’t vanish due to a market correction. Dividends aren’t guaranteed, but some companies have paid them every single year for more than 100 years, including during the Great Depression.

These policies also give you peace of mind for retirement planning, because you can know the minimum guaranteed income you can take in retirement, and for how long you could take it.

Key #2: Control

You control the money in your policy, not the government. You can use it when and how you choose, without the restrictions or penalties common to 401(k)’s and other government-sponsored retirement plans.

You can use the money to “bank on yourself” and become your own source of financing, so you can reduce or even eliminate the control banks and financial institutions have over you. You can get access to your equity in the policy by answering just one question: How much do you want?

No begging, no prying credit applications to fill out, and no need to pledge your first born.

Key #3: Tax Advantaged

One of the biggest appeals of 401(k)’s is that they allow you to defer your taxes.

But what direction do you think tax rates will be going over the long term? If, like many people, you believe taxes are going up, consider that if you’re successful in growing your nest-egg, you’ll only end up paying higher taxes on a bigger number.

Even if tax rates stay the same, it’s estimated that by deferring your taxes, you’ll ultimately pay 10-20 times more in taxes over a 30-year period!

Consider paying your taxes up front – at least you know what they are. Dividend-paying whole life is taxed more like a Roth IRA – you fund it with after-tax dollars and you can take a retirement income from the policy with little or no tax consequences, under current tax law.

There are many myths and a great deal of misinformation about this powerful financial tool, and no shortage of “experts” who will tell you to avoid whole life policies.

© 2010 Pamela Yellen

Financial security expert, Pamela Yellen, is author of the New York Times best-selling book, Bank On Yourself: The Life-Changing Secret to Growing and Protecting Your Financial Future. For more information, visit: www.BankOnYourself.com and take the $100,000 Challenge. It lets you test your knowledge of the facts about dividend-paying whole life. And a $100,000 cash reward awaits the first person who has a different product or strategy that can match or beat a properly structured dividend-paying whole life policy.

Tara, a friend of mine, first noticed Jeff while standing in the crowded line of a coffee shop waiting for her morning dose of caffeine. When their eyes met she felt a deep and compelling inner stirring. A casual hello that morning and the following morning, led to conversation and Jeff asking her to dinner. On their first date Tara told me that there was no denying their shared mutual attraction. Despite their many differences, such as education and occupation, Tara works for a biotechnical firm and Jeff drives a city bus, they both felt an instantaneous and unspoken connection to one another.

The immediate attraction that people in love often feel for one another is seldom logical or rational. It is instead a form of intuitive knowing that springs from the deep stirrings of the soul.

Intuition has been defined as simply knowing something without knowing how you know it. We have all had this experience. For instance, have you ever had a strong feeling of trust or mistrust in another upon first meeting? Have you ever thought of a loved one and you soon receive an email or phone call from them? Or have you ever pushed away uncomfortable feelings about another because you had no proof of problems and later regretted doing so? These are all common intuitive signals that most of us at one time or another experience.

Feelings of love and attraction magnify intuitive ability. Take Gabby for instance. For the past several weeks when her husband Carl, leaves for work, she feels heaviness in the pit of her stomach. Although Carl keeps assuring her that everything at work is going well, Gabby has a hard time ignoring the sinking feeling that something is not right. When sharing this feeling with a friend of hers who works for the same company as her husband, she discovers that there are rumors of impending layoffs. This information confirms what she has been feeling. With this advanced notice, Carl immediately contacts a career recruiting service that had previously sought him out.

Everyone has intuitive ability and with a little attention and focus you can learn how to effectively use it. Your intuition can for instance, help you to attract a loving partner, provide valuable insight into others and increase self awareness as to your own sometimes baffling emotional patterns and attractions. Your intuitive knowing can also save you from unnecessary relationship heartache, increase intimacy and help you and your partner to more effectively communicate.

The following steps will help you to tune into and develop your natural intuition.

1. To begin, become aware of how your intuition naturally surfaces. It will emerge primarily through your thoughts, your emotions, your body or your spirit essence.

If you receive intuitive information through your emotions you are an emotional intuitive. You are empathetic and feel what others feel. You give from the heart and most likely you long for a deep authentic loving relationship with a soul mate. Emotional intuitives believe that love can conquer all and are usually sympathetic, compassionate and sometimes vulnerable partners.

A mental intuitive intuits through their thoughts. They often intuit the opinions, views and ideas of others. They see the big picture, and their intuitive ability inspires creative ideas and solutions to problems. In relationships mental intuitives need to feel understood, accepted and acknowledged for their keen perception and insight. They tend to be nonjudgmental, open minded and interesting partners.

If you are a physical intuitive you likely absorb the energy of others and the environment into your body. A physical intuitive will often experience their intuition as gut feelings or spontaneous aches and pains. Upon first meeting another they may for no known reason experience tingling shivers up their spine or their stomach may churn and somersault. In relationships a physical intuitive demonstrates love through touch, hugs, hand holding and sexual intimacy.

A spiritual intuitive receives intuitive energy in less tangible ways than the other three types. They may receive intuitive information about their family members and friends in their dreams or through instantaneous impressions. These types of intuitives will sometimes “see” family members who have passed over and they may have visions of the future or of events in distant places. In relationships a spiritual intuitive is likely to fall in love at first sight, be spontaneous, insightful and wise.

2. However your intuition emerges, listen to it. Trust your initial impressions. It is often the first impulse you have about another, even before you know much about them that is the most accurate. Make it a habit to check in and listen for your intuitive responses.

You might want to tune into the signals of your particular intuitive type.

If you are an emotional intuitive notice how you feel around others. Are you quickly comfortable, calm, stressed or anxious? Do you feel open hearted or self protective?

If you are a mental intuitive you might hear an inner voice telling you that either something is not “right” or that you can relax and trust. Another common intuitive signal for the mental intuitive is an idea or thought that quietly but persistently keeps surfacing.

If you are a physical intuitive tune into your physical boy. Do you feel tight, tense or relaxed? Do you develop headaches or stomach pains around certain people or situations?

A spiritual intuitive will often intuit in his or her dreams. If you suspect you are a spiritual intuitive, before you go to sleep at night ask for a dream that will help you to understand a particular person or situation. When you wake notice your initial feelings and thoughts and if you can recall a dream, write it down. If you do not understand it, seek help in interpreting it. You might find that it holds valuable information.

3. Once you become aware of an intuitive sensation or impression, spend some time alone where you can be undisturbed and further tune in. Focus within and ask for the message or meaning behind the intuitive sensations. Listen and try not to logically figure this out. Breathe, relax and become receptive. Then trust what you receive.

Be honest about your desires and expectations, about another or a relationship. Your expectations of another will muffle your ability to listen to important vital intuitive information. Be willing to know the truth and release your desired outcome.

Once you consciously begin to develop and align yourself with your intuition, the intuitive messages, sensations and impressions will increase. Be patient with yourself and the process. With time and practice your intuition will strengthen and become more clear and accurate.

Love is a powerful force that is always intuitively guiding you.

© 2010 Sherrie Dillard, author of Love and Intuition: A Psychic’s Guide to Creating Lasting Love

Author of the bestselling Discover Your Psychic Type, Sherrie Dillard has been a New Thought pastoral counselor, professional psychic, medium, and teacher for over twenty years. She has taught classes and workshops, both nationally and internationally, on the life-enhancing aspects of intuition development. Her writing has also appeared in New Age Journal and on Wellness.com and HitchedMag.com.

For more information please visit www.SherrieDillard.com and follow the author on Facebook.

If I could scrape up some spare time, I think I’d tackle a screenplay for a horror movie. My movie would feature an entity more terrifying than a chainsaw-wielding maniac. More dreadful than the living dead. More heart-stopping than a fire-breathing demon.

It would be an English teacher.

Okay, hold on. I really, really like English teachers. They are truly dedicated people whose bravery eclipses mine. Anyone who can interest seventh-graders in the poetry of e.e. cummings or bring Shakespeare to life for sophomores is genuinely inspiring.

But after dealing with hundreds of clients over the years, I’m convinced that what English teachers inspire more than anything else is sheer terror. I’ve reached that conclusion after watching the way people react to grammatical issues.

Sometimes, I see it when they are struggling with something they’ve written, wondering whether this phrase or that one is grammatically correct. At other times, it becomes apparent in their reaction to something I’ve written on their behalf. (”He started a sentence with a conjunction – doesn’t he know you can’t do that?”)

Once the discussion moves beyond opening arguments to testimony, they invariably cite the same source as the basis for their contention. “Well, when I had Mrs. Jones, she said …” “Now, Mr. Smith told us we should never use …” “If I turned in a paper with that sentence to Miss McGillicuddy …” And when I gently suggest that the English teacher who towers over their subconscious might be wrong in this instance, panic flickers in their eyes. It’s as if I’ve suggested that the North Pole is uninhabited.

How could that be? They wrote hundreds of themes in grade school, essays in high school and term papers in college, and those rules applied every single time. Don’t use contractions. You should never use the second person. Or fragments. And absolutely no sentences that begin with conjunctions.

Their teachers were absolutely right. When one is creating sentences and paragraphs for a formal document within an academic setting, it is critical to employ proper form, syntax and mechanics to ensure a favorable evaluation. Such are the rules of the academic world.

But once you’ve left the confines of school and find yourself communicating in a persuasive manner to prospects, customers, co-workers, and anyone else who falls under that “stakeholder” umbrella, grammar takes a backseat to something far more important. Whether you want to tell, sell, convince, entertain, emphasize, or even infuriate, you must connect with the reader and ensure that your message is clearly understood.

The most effective way to do that is to be individual and personal, and that calls for a conversational style. Conversation is far more informal than the academic writing style. When we speak, most of us don’t use textbook grammar. We start sentences with conjunctions, we end them with prepositions. We even use fragments. Those whose spoken grammar is letter-perfect come across as tedious snobs (think of TV’s Frasier).

Grammar is not a rigid set of rules. It’s a framework of structure and standards that varies by the type of writing and the audience – just as different types of buildings demand different degrees of engineering. It’s also important to remember that grammar isn’t timeless. If it were, we’d all write and speak in the style of the King James Version. Some rules that were considered inviolate just thirty years ago have already faded away.

When you write something other than a term paper, write to communicate. Don’t agonize over the grammatical correctness of your work. Match it to the situation and the audience. A memo about the company picnic doesn’t need to be as formal as a white paper directed to college professors. Focus on conveying the message, not on achieving grammatical perfection.

And don’t be afraid that your English teacher will come after you. If what you create is truly communicative and accomplishes the goal, he or she would actually be very proud.

Scott Flood creates effective copy for companies and other organizations. To learn more, visit http://www.sfwriting.com, or read his blog at http://sfwriting.com/wordpress/

It takes time and discipline to write a book. And if you look at your shelf or the shelves in the bookstore, every single book was written by someone who made the commitment to get it done. If you’re committed to writing your book, you’ll do whatever it takes. You’ll carve out time in your schedule to write. You’ll put other things off. You’ll invest in your writing skills. You’ll hire a coach or take a class to keep yourself accountable and moving forward.

But if you’re only interested, you’ll do what’s convenient. You’ll wait until you have time to write. You’ll put the project off for whatever distraction comes up. You’ll forego guidance and try to do it all on your own. And you won’t see the value in investing in your skills, which means your book probably won’t ever get done.

The difference comes from within you. So think about it: are you truly committed-in a do-whatever-it-takes way-to getting your book written and becoming a published author? Or is it just something you’d like to do one day, when it’s convenient?

If you’re committed, you can use the following steps to take action.

1. Make Writing a Priority One of the first things to do when committing to a big project is clear the decks and figure out where you can make time to focus solely on writing. This may mean giving up or delaying some other things you’re working on. If you can, try to find a regular writing time that you can stick to every day, and then put it on your calendar.

2. Learn How Books Work All books have certain elements that make them successful, just like all houses have a foundation, walls, and roof. If you’re writing a book, you’ll need to know how to plan out a book and put all the pieces together.

3. Be Accountable As I mentioned before, writing takes discipline. You can set all the appointments you want, but if you don’t show up for them, your book won’t get done. Joining a class or writing group is a good way to ensure you get your work done. With someone holding you accountable, it’s hard not to meet your deadlines.

Getting Your Book Done! The difference between published books and unfinished manuscripts is the author’s commitment. If you’re not committed to getting your book done, that’s fine-there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you are serious about becoming a published author-then make it a priority and make it happen!


Melinda Copp helps aspiring self-help, business, and nonfiction authors write and publish compelling books to establish expertise, attract clients and opportunities, and that they’re proud to share with the world. Visit http://www.writerssherpaprograms.com/writeabook.html for a free copy of her Jumpstart Your Book E-course.

Online author and book publicity pages are called by several names, including media room, media kit, press room or press kit, or they are simply labeled as Media or Press on the site’s navigation menu. On some sites, the media page is accessed through a link from the About page of the site. Whatever you call your book publicity page, just make sure it’s clearly marked and easy to find from any page on your site.

Remember, your media page isn’t just for the media – it’s a great place to showcase your credentials and biographic information for a variety of author and book publicity purposes. For example, you can link to your media page when introducing yourself to bloggers, potential clients and potential partners.

Sandra Beckwith, a former award-winning publicist who now teaches authors how to generate media attention, advises imagining what questions journalists would ask about you and your book and making sure they can find the answers to those questions in your media room. “You want to make sure you’re providing the information they want in a format they’re familiar with,” she says. “That means you want to present that information in a factual way without hyperbole or exaggeration.”

Here are some of the most important elements to include on your book publicity page:

• About the Author – You might create two bios, a short one of about three sentences (imagine a radio announcer introducing you) and another bio about half a page long.
• About the Book – Summary of your book, written in a news style without marketing hype.
• Praise/Endorsements/Reviews – Feature any celebrity quotes prominently.
• Awards – Book awards and awards received by the author.
• Author Photos – High resolution version for print and low resolution for online use. Include a caption beneath your photo listing your credentials or author tagline.
• Book Covers – High resolution for print and low resolution for online use.
• Contact Information – Make this easy to find, include email address, phone number, and address if applicable. See these tips for protecting your email address online.

Other elements commonly found on author and book publicity pages include:

• Complete Press Kit – One page or document containing all of your media information in one place.
• In the Media – Provide links to previous media coverage that you’ve received. If you have appeared in any major print or broadcast media, include their logos prominently on your media page.
• Audio and/or Video Clips – Short audio or video clips of you (preferably being interviewed) allow potential interviewers to hear or see you in action.
• Interview Topics – A list of topics you can speak about.
• Sample Q & A – Radio stations, in particular, will appreciate using questions you provide for an interview
• Article Topics – A list of topics you can write about and/or suggested angles for feature stories about you. You might even provide pre-written stories or tips for the media to use.
• Fact Sheet – One-page document with pertinent facts about your industry or book topic.
• Press Releases – Links to online versions of press releases about you, your book or business.
• Media References – Nice quotes from media who have interviewed you or worked with you.
• Clients Include – If you’re a consultant, you might want to post a list of important clients (with their permission) and a few testimonial quotes from clients.

Many online book publicity pages contain downloadable documents in PDF format, but Sandra Beckwith advises just putting the text of your media materials on a web page and letting people copy and paste from there. Even when it’s convenient to copy or download your book publicity materials from your website, some people will still want you to email information to them or even send a printed media kit.

Your online author publicity page is a great promotional tool. If you don’t already have a media page on your site, get started now – you can always add to it over time. If you do have a media page, now is a good time to review and enhance it.


Article by Dana Lynn Smith. Dana is a book promotion coach and author of several book promotion guides, including The Savvy Book Marketer’s Guide to Successful Social Marketing. For more tips, follow @BookMarketer on Twitter, visit Dana’s book promotion blog and get a free copy of the Top Book Marketing Tips ebook when you sign up for her complimentary book promotion newsletter.

“I feel awful saying this,” Mary told me during one of our phone counseling sessions, “but I often wish my husband would die. I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I think about it a lot.”

“I hear this fairly often,” I responded. “You are thinking this, not because you are a terrible person, but because you feel trapped and you don’t know how to get out of the trap.”

“But my husband is a really nice person and he loves me. Yet all I want to do is get away.”

Mary consulted with me because she was deeply depressed. Through our work together, it became apparent that Mary had completely lost herself in her marriage. While her husband was a “nice” person, he was also a very needy person who took no responsibility for his own feelings and needs. Mary felt constantly pulled on to fill him up and make him feel okay about himself. She was exhausted and drained.

Angie, another one of my clients, also fantasized about her husband dying. Angie’s husband was not nice like Mary’s husband.  Instead he was an angry, blaming man who often attacked Angie for not doing what he wanted her to do. Angie was emotionally battered and bruised from the constant verbal abuse, and not only fantasized about her husband dying, but often had suicidal thoughts.

Why didn’t these women leave rather than wish their husbands would die or think about killing themselves?

Sometimes women don’t leave because of money, and sometimes because of children, but this was not the case with either of Mary or Angie. Mary and Angie wouldn’t leave because they felt completely responsible for their husband’s feelings. They knew that even if they left, they would still feel responsible. In their minds the only way out for them was for them to kill themselves or for their husbands to die.

Fortunately, there is another way out of feeling so trapped. The way out is to let go of responsibility for others’ feelings and start to take responsibility for their own feelings. However, for many people, this is a huge challenge.

Both Mary and Angie had been deeply programmed as children to be caretakers. Their sense of worth was completely tied into being “selfless”, which they equated with being loving. In their minds, taking care of themselves instead of caretaking others was selfish – and therefore wrong. The thought of taking care of themselves rather than caretaking their husbands left them feeling unbearably guilty. This is what was causing them to feel so trapped.

Through their Inner Bonding work with me, Mary and Angie discovered that caretaking is a form of control – that rather than loving their husbands, they were giving themselves up to get approval or avoid disapproval. They were shocked to realize that they, like their husbands, were also making their husbands responsible for their feelings.

Through practice, they gradually learned to take responsibility for their own feelings and let go of responsibility for their husband’s feelings. They learned to take time for themselves, speak up for themselves, and trust their own feelings. In the course of learning to love themselves, they found that they could express love to their husbands without taking responsibility for their husband’s feelings. The more they let go of responsibility for their husband’s feelings, the freer they felt to love themselves and love their husbands.

Without their wives constantly taking responsibility for them, both their husbands gradually learned to take more responsibility for themselves.

Both Mary and Angie are still married to their same husbands and they no longer feel trapped, drained, or depressed – and they no longer want their husbands to die!.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course: http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome, and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

How a cliché becomes a cliché
When a particular cliché was first used (before it became a cliché), it created an impact. It used words in an interesting and novel way. The person who heard or read the expression might have thought, “Gosh, that’s a really creative way to express that idea.” Then, when other people began to use that expression, they were not clever; they were copycats. Having no interesting ideas of their own, they used someone else’s idea. When many people do this, the once clever expression became a cliché.

The reader’s response to clichés
When a reader comes across a cliché, he will think that that the writer has nothing interesting to say about the topic. In most cases, the reader will be right. A writer who uses clichés is simply repeating what he has heard or read, so the chance that his ideas will be interesting is slim.

The reader may be obligated to read the entire document (such as a teacher grading an essay), but without such an obligation, the reader will lose interest. After all, if the writer has nothing new or interesting to say, why keep reading? This is the real problem with using clichés. They give the reader no reason to continue reading.

Restoring the power of the clichés
Here’s the challenge: Take a dull cliché and restore its original power and impact. Remember, the first time the now cliché was used, it was interesting because it provided a new way of thinking about something. You can modify a cliché so that it does this again. We have three strategies for restoring the power of a cliché.

To demonstrate the three strategies, we will use the following two clichés:

1. “It’s the journey that matters, not the destination.
2. “We agree to disagree.”

Strategy One: Word Reversal
Find the key words in the cliché and put them in the opposite order.

In the first example, the key words are “journey” and “destination,” in that order. Using this strategy, we reverse their order:

“It’s the destination that matters, not the journey.”

The reader will realize that this statement is based on the cliché, but that you have done something to it. You have made it new and different than what the reader is accustomed to. That makes it interesting, and the reader will have to think about what the expression means when stated this way. The reader gets involved in thinking about your idea. That’s impact.

In the second example, the key words are “agree” and “disagree,” in that order. Using this strategy, we reverse their order (and modify it a bit to make it grammatically correct):

“We disagree about agreeing.”

The reader notices the statement because it looks like the familiar cliché. It gets attention. However, instead of turning off the reader, it engages him. It’s different than what he expected. “But what,” he might ask, “does it mean now?” The reader is thinking about your idea and the new way you have expressed it.

Strategy Two: Word Replacement
Find the key words in the cliché and replace them.

In the first example, you can replace “journey” with a different word, such as “company.” This gives you the following expression:

“It’s the company that matters, not the destination.”

This sentence doesn’t have the same meaning as the cliché, even though it looks like it. By changing one of the key words, you are expressing a new idea, a new concept. The reader will realize that you have used a different word, and that new word will have high impact, i.e., power. We could have replaced “destination” for the same effect.

The second example is trickier. To transform it, we have to understand what made it interesting originally. The two key words are closely related: they are antonyms and they look and sound similar. If we replace just one of the words, this will no longer be true. It will no longer look like the original cliché, the reader won’t focus on it, and the statement won’t have power. After some thought, here’s one option:

“We promise to make no promises.”

This is a completely new idea, based on the structure of the original cliché. While the reader may not recognize it as a transformation of the cliché, he may have the same response to it. As a result, the statement will have the power the cliché has long since lost.

Combining Strategies One and Two
Combine the first two strategies to make them even more powerful.

First we reorder the key words, and then we replace one of them. Using the first sample, the transformed cliché may look like this:

“It’s the company that matters, not the journey.”

Strategy Three: Adding Final Words
Use the cliché without changing it, but then add an impact statement to the end.

With this strategy, the reader sees the cliché, knows what words to expect, and then is surprised by the final words. Those final words give a new way of thinking about the concept expressed by the cliché.

Using the first example, we add new words to the end of the cliché, which gives us this:

“It’s the journey that matters, not the destination—unless you’re heading to the bank.”

That final statement changes the meaning of the entire cliché. After catching the reader’s attention, you surprise him with new information. This makes him think about the idea from a new perspective.

You can also add additional information to the end of the second cliché. You might add a condition or contrary information (as with the first example). One possibility is as follows:

“We agree to disagree, but only at home.”

The Reader’s Response to a Transformed Cliché
Let’s think about why we’re doing this. First, we want to get the reader’s attention. Second, we want the reader to think that we’re using words in a new way (a.k.a. being clever). Third, we want the reader to think about our ideas. Together, these three purposes can be summed up as making an impact on the reader. From the reader’s perspective, here’s what happens.

1. “Ah, a cliché. How dull.”
2. “Wait a minute. This is different!”
3. “The writer is pretty clever. He took a cliché and made something new.”
4. “What sentence does this mean now?”

The end result is a reader who respects your cleverness and is interested in what you have to say. This is the exact opposite reaction you get when using clichés, and it is the exact response you desire.

David Bowman is the Owner and Chief Editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editing, proofreading, and document analysis service for authors, students, and businesses. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.