Drivers Ed – A Nostalgic Look Back

Dec 5, 2008 by Carl Megill

Apparently, sometime between the time I got out of high school and now, Drivers Education has changed dramatically. I can make this unfounded assumption by simply observing all of the “nuts” on the road.

Let’s go back to the beginning.  Back to where I learned how to drive. I can still remember Drivers Ed. and Mr. Dooley, a boys gym teacher, teaching us how to drive. I never quite got the connection of how a gym teacher was qualified to teach us how to drive. I mean, we were supposed to put our lives into this man’s hands? The same man whose only job was to make sure we didn’t wear our athletic supporters on our heads? What did he know about K-Turns? He’s also the guy who taught health class. How could he teach us how to merge into traffic when he just spent six weeks explaining why hair was going to be growing out of our ears when we turned forty?

There was quite a mixed grille in our car which included me, Tom Chivone, the captain of our football team, a guy who should have spent more time wearing all of his safety gear at practice, Leonard Elliot (Egghead Extraordinaire), who would tell you the square root of four trillion without asking him, and Mary McNultey, the most beautiful girl in our school and the one voted by the guys in our class as the girl with which we would most likely want to parallel park.

So, Mr. Dooley made sure that we understood the correct rules of driving by frequently shouting in our ears, whenever we made a mistake, that we were stupid. “If I wanted you to dive into that hedge, I would have asked you, stupid!!!”

Learning how to drive like that does have its benefits. For instance, if when you did get your license, and you were out on your own, and you did make a stupid mistake on the road, a rush of adrenaline would course through your veins, making you wonder if that was Mr. Dooley watching in the other car next to you.

Of course, once we got our licenses, we would often be seen turning the power-steering wheel of our car with one finger, with our other arm hanging out the window, smoking a cigarette and listening to Top Forty radio at glass-breaking decibels.

That’s petty stuff compared to the fools I see on the road these days. I can never remember Mr. Dooley telling us that it was alright to weave in and out of traffic, like I see this idiot doing every morning on my way to work, only to get to the next traffic signal five seconds before everyone else.

Another thing. It is legal to make a “Right On Red” in this state, unless otherwise posted. So, if you are at a traffic signal and you want to cross the intersection, and there’s room for two cars side-by-side, get over to the left, so that the cars behind you can make the “Right on Red”. Don’t sit there next to the car that is crossing the intersection in hopes that you can illegally pass them on the right.

I know if Mr. Dooley was in the car with you when you made such an inconsiderate decision, he would have one word for you…”Stupid!”

After working as a deejay at a New Jersey radio station, where Carl Megill was given free reign to write commercial parodies and a 64 episode comedy soap opera, he branched out into the wonderful world of writing sitcoms. Although none ever sold, he did win, or placed high, in several script writing contests. This included first place in the TVWriter.com competition for an “Everybody Loves Raymond” script. He also enjoyed winning a playwriting competition for a comedy entitled, “You’re Never Too Old,” which was produced on stage to favorable reviews. Four of his short plays have also been produced.

His only screen credit is as a staff writer for the Seattle based sketch comedy program “Night Shift.” It’s also his only credit at imdb. His humor column, “The Mind of Megill,” has appeared in print and on the internet. He has also written and performed stand up comedy at area comedy clubs. He enjoys writing, sports and referring to himself in the third person.