The Cuckleburr Times » David Bowman

How Commas Kill Children

David Bowman — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 20:59:54 +0000

Can commas kill children? Unfortunately, yes—if we use them incorrectly.

Let’s start with three correct samples of using commas with appositives. You might be asking, “What the heck is an appositive, and why should I care?” Good question! Once we learn to identify appositives, we’ll see how to use commas correctly and how misusing them can kill children.

Three correct samples:

1. The package, a brown box with no return address, sat in the storeroom for weeks.
2. My car, a 2011 Honda Accord, needs cleaning.
3. Bob’s daughter Sara graduated last year. (Bob has more than one daughter.)

First, Appositives

The term appositive is new to most people, so let’s take a little time to figure out what it means. (In all my writing classes, I ask students if they know this term. Only once did someone know it.) Once we understand the term appositive, we will use it to discuss commas.

Appositive. An appositive is a word, phrase, or clause that renames something just written; the appositive is the same thing as whatever it renames. An appositive is considered to be in apposition to the thing it is renaming.

Even if the term appositive is new to you, you can probably spot appositives easily.

In Sample 1, the phrase a brown box with no return address renames, or is another way of saying, package. Here, package and a brown box with no return address are the same thing. Because of this, we know that a brown box with no return address is an appositive. It is in apposition to package.

This is similar to Sample 2. Here, a 2011 Honda Accord renames, or has the same meaning as, my car. Thus, a 2011 Honda Accord is an appositive.

Non-restrictive Appositives

The appositives in Samples 1 and 2 are non-restrictive appositives because the appositive and the word it renames are a perfect one-to-one match. Everything described by the appositive equals everything described by the term that the appositive renames.

With a non-restrictive appositive, you are not restricting, or limiting, the readers’ attention to one thing among several. You are not indicating one thing from a group of things. Rather, you are providing additional details.

In Sample 2, a 2011 Honda Accord exactly describes my car. I have no cars other than the 2011 Honda Accord. Everything described by my car is also described by a 2011 Honda Accord. Sample 1 works the same way.

Koan:
Bumbo wrote a letter to his parents. At the end of the letter he wrote, “Please give my regards to my sister, Vera.”
His teacher looked over Bumbo’s shoulder and asked, “How many sisters do you have?”
Bumbo answered, “Two.”
“Oh, you wicked student!” his teacher cried. “Your comma just killed one.”

Sample 3 does not have a non-restrictive appositive. It has a restrictive appositive. Bob has more than one daughter, so Sara is not a perfect one-to-one match with daughter. In this sample, we are restricting, or limiting, the readers’ attention from the group of daughters to one particular daughter named Sara.

Here’s another way to differentiate restrictive and non-restrictive appositives.

Restrictive: Specifies which thing.
Non-restrictive: Provides additional description.

Rule J
Separate non-restrictive appositives with commas.

Now that we have learned to find appositives, following this rule is easy. If you have a non-restrictive appositive, separate it from the rest of the sentence with commas.

In Samples 1 and 2, the appositives are embedded in the sentence. They are separated from the rest of the sentence by commas, both before and after.

The first comma gives the reader a clue that we’re about to provide some extra information. The second comma lets the reader know that the description is completed and that we’re getting back to the main point.

One more sample:

4. I sent the letter to my best friend, John.

Sample 4 is a little different. In this sample, the non-restrictive appositive is John. John is in apposition to my best friend. It is the last word of the sentence, so we only need the comma before John.

Rule K
Don’t use commas to separate restrictive appositives.

Non-restrictive appositives need commas. Restrictive appositives don’t. Non-restrictive appositives can be removed from the sentence without losing essential content. Restrictive appositives can’t.

Sample 3 provides a good example of a restrictive appositive. Bob has other daughters, so Sara tells us which daughter. We are restricting the group of daughters to one particular daughter. As such, Sara is not separated by commas.

If we use commas around Sara, we make Sara a non-restrictive appositive. This would mean that Bob has only one daughter. With that comma, his other daughters cease to exist!

(This article is adapted from the forthcoming guide to commas Zen Comma, available on 5/15/2011 at Hostile Editing in PDF and Kindle formats.)

Restoring the Power of Cliches

David Bowman — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 00:47:43 +0000

How a cliché becomes a cliché
When a particular cliché was first used (before it became a cliché), it created an impact. It used words in an interesting and novel way. The person who heard or read the expression might have thought, “Gosh, that’s a really creative way to express that idea.” Then, when other people began to use that expression, they were not clever; they were copycats. Having no interesting ideas of their own, they used someone else’s idea. When many people do this, the once clever expression became a cliché.

The reader’s response to clichés
When a reader comes across a cliché, he will think that that the writer has nothing interesting to say about the topic. In most cases, the reader will be right. A writer who uses clichés is simply repeating what he has heard or read, so the chance that his ideas will be interesting is slim.

The reader may be obligated to read the entire document (such as a teacher grading an essay), but without such an obligation, the reader will lose interest. After all, if the writer has nothing new or interesting to say, why keep reading? This is the real problem with using clichés. They give the reader no reason to continue reading.

Restoring the power of the clichés
Here’s the challenge: Take a dull cliché and restore its original power and impact. Remember, the first time the now cliché was used, it was interesting because it provided a new way of thinking about something. You can modify a cliché so that it does this again. We have three strategies for restoring the power of a cliché.

To demonstrate the three strategies, we will use the following two clichés:

“It’s the journey that matters, not the destination.
“We agree to disagree.”

Strategy One: Word Reversal
Find the key words in the cliché and put them in the opposite order.

In the first example, the key words are “journey” and “destination,” in that order. Using this strategy, we reverse their order:

“It’s the destination that matters, not the journey.”

The reader will realize that this statement is based on the cliché, but that you have done something to it. You have made it new and different than what the reader is accustomed to. That makes it interesting, and the reader will have to think about what the expression means when stated this way. The reader gets involved in thinking about your idea. That’s impact.

In the second example, the key words are “agree” and “disagree,” in that order. Using this strategy, we reverse their order (and modify it a bit to make it grammatically correct):

“We disagree about agreeing.”

The reader notices the statement because it looks like the familiar cliché. It gets attention. However, instead of turning off the reader, it engages him. It’s different than what he expected. “But what,” he might ask, “does it mean now?” The reader is thinking about your idea and the new way you have expressed it.

Strategy Two: Word Replacement
Find the key words in the cliché and replace them.

In the first example, you can replace “journey” with a different word, such as “company.” This gives you the following expression:

“It’s the company that matters, not the destination.”

This sentence doesn’t have the same meaning as the cliché, even though it looks like it. By changing one of the key words, you are expressing a new idea, a new concept. The reader will realize that you have used a different word, and that new word will have high impact, i.e., power. We could have replaced “destination” for the same effect.

The second example is trickier. To transform it, we have to understand what made it interesting originally. The two key words are closely related: they are antonyms and they look and sound similar. If we replace just one of the words, this will no longer be true. It will no longer look like the original cliché, the reader won’t focus on it, and the statement won’t have power. After some thought, here’s one option:

“We promise to make no promises.”

This is a completely new idea, based on the structure of the original cliché. While the reader may not recognize it as a transformation of the cliché, he may have the same response to it. As a result, the statement will have the power the cliché has long since lost.

Combining Strategies One and Two
Combine the first two strategies to make them even more powerful.

First we reorder the key words, and then we replace one of them. Using the first sample, the transformed cliché may look like this:

“It’s the company that matters, not the journey.”

Strategy Three: Adding Final Words
Use the cliché without changing it, but then add an impact statement to the end.

With this strategy, the reader sees the cliché, knows what words to expect, and then is surprised by the final words. Those final words give a new way of thinking about the concept expressed by the cliché.

Using the first example, we add new words to the end of the cliché, which gives us this:

“It’s the journey that matters, not the destination—unless you’re heading to the bank.”

That final statement changes the meaning of the entire cliché. After catching the reader’s attention, you surprise him with new information. This makes him think about the idea from a new perspective.

You can also add additional information to the end of the second cliché. You might add a condition or contrary information (as with the first example). One possibility is as follows:

“We agree to disagree, but only at home.”

The Reader’s Response to a Transformed Cliché
Let’s think about why we’re doing this. First, we want to get the reader’s attention. Second, we want the reader to think that we’re using words in a new way (a.k.a. being clever). Third, we want the reader to think about our ideas. Together, these three purposes can be summed up as making an impact on the reader. From the reader’s perspective, here’s what happens.

“Ah, a cliché. How dull.”
“Wait a minute. This is different!”
“The writer is pretty clever. He took a cliché and made something new.”
“What sentence does this mean now?”

The end result is a reader who respects your cleverness and is interested in what you have to say. This is the exact opposite reaction you get when using clichés, and it is the exact response you desire.

David Bowman is the Owner and Chief Editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editing, proofreading, and document analysis service for authors, students, and businesses. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

Solving 3 Common Dialogue Problems

David Bowman — Mon, 31 May 2010 12:01:00 +0000

Dialogue is an essential component of a story. Through dialogue, we learn about characters’ personalities, we see characters react to events, and we understand the relationships they have with each other. Dialogue allows the reader to visualize scenes. Authors use dialogue to follow the adage “show, don’t tell” what happens.

When we help authors edit manuscripts, we frequently have to solve three common problems with dialogue:

confusion,
stasis, and
displacement.

We use these terms to categorize the three strategies we use to improve dialogue. To help understand these common dialogue problems, let’s look at an example of poor dialogue, study how it illustrates these problems, and then find solutions.

John and Tom walked into the restaurant and sat down.
“Do you know what you want?”
“Not really. I’m hungry enough to eat a horse.”
“You’re in luck. Horse meat is on the menu.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope. Look at the back page under ‘Chef’s Specials.’ ”
“Holy cow! You’re right. That’s gross.”
“Not really. It’s pretty good, actually.”
“There’s no way I would eat horse meat.”
“You already have.”
“Huh?”
“Remember those burgers we ate when I had you for a cookout last month?”
“Please don’t tell me that was horse meat.”
“Ok, I won’t. But you sure enjoyed them.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Oh, don’t be such a snob. I thought you liked Chinese food.”
“I do, but what’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, the Chinese eat over a million and a half horses each year.”
“Maybe Mexican food would be better.”
“Same problem. They eat six hundred thousand each year.”
“That’s it. I’m going home for Italian cuisine. No, don’t tell me!”

Obviously, this is a back and forth exchange between two characters, John and Tom. They each talk in turn. In this sample, the reader will learn about each character’s prejudices and the nature of their relationship. In that regard, the dialogue is fine. However, it suffers from confusion, stasis, and displacement.

1. Confusion Problems in Dialogue

Problem: Who is talking? In the sample, which character likes horsemeat and which one is grossed out? You don’t know because the author didn’t tell you. In many dialogues where we see this problem, the author will indicate who is speaking first, or, at a minimum, give the reader a clue. Following that first indication, however, the author leaves the reader to figure out who is speaking, leaving the reader confused.

In this sample, we could indicate that the first speaker is John.

“Do you know what you want?” asked John.

Then, because this is a back and forth exchange, we could figure out who is saying what. After a number of exchanges, though, the reader may lose track and have to study the dialogue carefully, naming the character for each statement: This is John, this is Tom, this is John, this is Tom, etc. Basically, the reader is doing the work the writer should have done.

When you confuse your reader this way, you make the reader work too hard to understand the dialogue. You force the reader to pay attention to the writing, which means the reader is not engaged in the story. Fortunately, this problem has a simple solution.

Solution: Label the speakers. Tell the reader who is speaking. You don’t need to label every line, every few lines is sufficient for the reader to keep track. Also, if you want the reader to focus mainly on one character, only label that character’s speech. Generally, we recommend labeling both, or all, speakers. Following this advice, the sample exchange might include this.

“Please don’t tell me that was horse meat” said Tom.
“Ok, I won’t. But you sure enjoyed them.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Oh, don’t be such a snob,” said John. “I thought you liked Chinese food.”
“I do, but what’s that got to do with anything?” Tom asked.

Now the reader knows who is speaking. Problem solved.

2. Stasis Problems with Dialogue

Problem: What are the characters doing? “Stasis” means “the state of being motionless.” When people talk, they also act. They move, look, gesture, and inflect. What they don’t do is keep completely still.

To help the reader visualize the scene, the author lets the characters move. These movements are important. Movement shows how they feel about what they hear or say. This shows the reader important information about characters’ feelings and personalities. Movement also helps to clarify who is speaking, which helps with confusion problems. Most importantly, movement during dialogue makes the scene more realistic and engaging to the reader. Look at this pair of sentences.

“Do you know what you want?”
John looked up from his menu and asked, “Do you know what you want?”

The second sentence not only tells us who is speaking (confusion problem) but also shows the reader what John is doing while speaking (stasis problem).

Solution: Include necessary actions. To add realistic, and necessary, movement to dialogue, the author needs to imagine the scene in his or her mind, and then describe what occurs. The challenge for the writer is to determine which actions are necessary to understanding the scene, the characters, or the meaning of the dialogue. For example, the author of this sample could have written the following.

“You already have.”
Tom leaned forward, mouth agape. “Huh?”
“Remember those burgers we ate when I had you for a cookout last month?”
“Please,” Tom said, “don’t tell me that was horse meat.” He put his hands over his ears and scrunched up his face.
“Ok, I won’t,” John said and smiled broadly. “But you sure enjoyed them.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Now the reader knows what the characters are doing. Problem solved.

3. Displacement Problems in Dialogue

Problem: Where is the dialogue occurring? Events happen somewhere. Dialogue occurs in a place, not in a void. It has an environment. The environment includes sights, sounds, smells, and other people. The environment also includes thoughts and memories. Basically, anything that affects the characters’ words and actions are part of the environment. Displaced dialogue, meaning dialogue that occurs in a void, won’t engage the reader, won’t help the reader to visualize the scene, and won’t provide a context for the characters’ actions.

Let’s study one line from the sample and ask questions about the environment.

“Holy cow! You’re right. That’s gross.”

Tom is upset about the fact that the restaurant serves horse meat. That’s pretty obvious from his words. Now, if the restaurant serves it, are the other patrons eating it? Can he detect an unusual smell in the air? If the kitchen door swings open, can he see a horse carcass hanging against the wall? Does Tom know anything about cultures where horse meat is eaten? What are his feelings about horses? This one line is crucial to the rest of the exchange, so let’s put it in place.

Solution: Provide an environment. The author needs to show the environment for the dialogue, i.e., to put the dialogue in a place. When we imagine the scene mentally, we can identify parts of the environment that help the reader to understand the character’s actions and reactions. Think about both the external and internal environment. The external environment includes what occurs around the speakers. The internal environment includes what occurs in the speakers’ minds. This will also help solve confusion and stasis problems. When we put the sample dialogue in place, we get this.

“Holy cow! You’re right.” Tom swept his eyes across the tables in the restaurant. Was anyone actually eating horse? “That’s gross.”
“Not really,” John said and set down his menu. “It’s pretty good, actually.”
The waitress came to take their order. John noted Tom’s discomfort and told her that they would probably need a few more minutes.
Tom leaned in and whispered, “There’s no way I would eat horse meat.”
“You already have.”
“Huh?”
“Remember those burgers we ate when I had you for a cookout last month?”
“Please,” Tom said, “don’t tell me that was horse meat.” He put his hands over his ears and scrunched up his face. He remembered eating two—and enjoying them.

Now the reader knows the environment for the dialogue. Problem solved.

Conclusion

By solving these three problems with writing dialogue—confusion, stasis, and displacement—an author can create dialogue that is important, that interests the reader, and that seems realistic. Take a look at Hemingway’s writing. Earnest Hemingway is known for his minimalist approach to writing, yet he, too, addresses these issues. And few readers would argue against the quality of his writing. Now examine your own writing and ask yourself these questions:

Will the reader know who is speaking?
Are the characters acting in a realistic manner?
Does the dialogue occur in an environment?

We ask these questions when working with clients, and we either advise the authors to revise their manuscripts or we do it ourselves, depending on the level of service. In either case, the result is great dialogue.

Punctuating Appositives

David Bowman — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 01:42:47 +0000

Punctuation isn’t complicated once you know what you’re looking at. I see many writers making errors when punctuating appositives. This may be a new term for many folks, so we’ll take a look at what I mean by “appositive,” and then we’ll figure out how to punctuate them correctly.

WHAT’S AN APPOSITIVE?

An appositive is a word or phrase that:

renames something you have written and
can serve the same grammatical function as the word or phrase it renames.

If the word or phrase passes these two tests, it is an appositive.

FIRST EXAMPLE OF AN APPOSITIVE

Here’s a sentence with an appositive. Let’s take a look at the phrase “a harsh and stubborn woman.” Is this an appositive?

The committee chairwoman, a harsh and stubborn woman, scorned the director’s request.

First test: In this sample, the phrase “a harsh and stubborn woman” renames “The committee chairwoman.” It means the same thing. This satisfies the first test.

Second test: “The committee chairwoman” is the subject of this sentence. However, if we leave out this subject, then “a harsh and stubborn woman” will serve as the subject (minus the commas around it). In this way, “a harsh and stubborn woman” can serve the same grammatical function as “the committee chairwoman.” This satisfies the second test.

Another way to perform this test is to leave out one phrase and then the other, resulting in two sentences. If they are both grammatically correct, then the phrase passes the second test. Using this example, we have the following two grammatically correct sentences.

The committee chairwoman scorned the director’s request.

A harsh and stubborn woman scorned the director’s request.

Based on these two tests, the phrase “a harsh and stubborn woman” is an appositive. We say that this phrase is in apposition to “the committee chairwoman.”

SECOND EXAMPLE OF AN APPOSITVE

Here is another sentence with an appositive:

My brother, a violin player, is coming home.

The phrase “a violin player” is an appositive. It is in apposition to “My brother,” and it passes the two tests: 1) it renames “my brother;” 2) it can serve the same grammatical function.

THIRD EXAMPLE OF AN APPOSITIVE

Most appositives follow the word or phrase they rename. Here’s a sentence in which the appositive is before the word it renames.

A streak in the sky, the eagle raced overhead.

The appositive is “a streak in the sky.” It renames “eagle” and can serve the same grammatical function. We can write “The eagle raced overhead” or “A streak in the sky raced overhead.”

HOW DO I PUNCTUATE AN APPOSITIVE?

Now, what are the rules for punctuating appositives? How do you punctuate an appositive? Now that we know what appositives are, let’s figure out how to punctuate them. To answer this question, we first have to decide what type of appositive we are using: non-restrictive or restrictive.

Non-restrictive appositives: By non-restrictive, we mean they are simply renaming something. We are only referring to one thing, a category with only one thing in it. When appositives are non-restrictive, they are set off with commas. The examples above are all non-restrictive.

In the first example above, only one woman is the committee chairwoman. We don’t need to restrict the category to indicate which woman because it only has one woman in it; we’re just providing additional information about that woman. As such, the appositive is set off with commas.

Restrictive appositives: By restrictive, we mean that we have used a name for a broad category with many things in it. We want the reader to know which thing we’re writing about, so we need to restrict the broad category to a narrow category that only contains one thing. When appositives are restrictive, they are not set off with commas.

Here is a sentence with a restrictive appositive:

The belief that he was alone led him to depression.

The restrictive appositive is “that he was alone.” This phrase renames “the belief,” and, as a noun phrase, it can also serve as the subject (though this will sound awkward to native English speakers).

Why is this restrictive? The category “belief” has many things in it (i.e., contains many individual beliefs), and we want to indicate the one belief to which we are referring. We are restricting the broad category to a very narrow category, the broad category of beliefs to the narrow category of belief that he was alone. As such, this appositive is not set off with commas.

EXAMPLES FROM ONLINE REFERENCE SITES

Let’s look at two examples of appositives taken from the Online Writing Lab (OWL) at Purdue ( http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/596/1 ).

My brother’s car, a sporty red convertible with bucket seats, is the envy of my friends.

The appositive is “a sporty red convertible with bucket seats.” This is in apposition to “car.” It is renaming “car” inasmuch as it means the same thing. “Car” = “a sporty red convertible with bucket seats” (first test). Also, it can serve the same grammatical function as “car.” In this sentence, “My brother’s car” is the subject. However, if we remove the subject (and fix the punctuation), “A sporty red convertible with bucket seats” becomes the subject (second test).

[This one is non-restrictive. My brother has only one car. As such, the appositive is set off with commas.]

Your friend Bill is in trouble.

“Bill” is in apposition to “friend.” “Bill” is renaming “friend” inasmuch as it means the same thing (first test). “Friend” = “Bill” (first test). Second, the appositive can serve the same grammatical function. The sentence “Your friend is in trouble” has the same grammatical structure as “Bill is in trouble” (second test).

[This one is restrictive, assuming you have more than one friend. We are narrowing the broad category of "friend" to a narrow category called "friends named Bill." As such, the appositive is not set off with commas. The broad category has many things in it, i.e., many friends, so we need to restrict it to point out the one we're writing about.]

The Center for Writing Studies (CWS) at the University of Illinois ( http://www.cws.illinois.edu/workshop/writers/appositives/ ) provides a decent definition: “Appositives are two words or word groups which MEAN THE SAME THING and are placed together. Appositives identify or explain the nouns or pronouns which they modify.” Here is one of their examples:

Our teacher, Professor Lamanna, loves grammar.

The appositive they identify is “Professor Lamanna.” This appositive renames “our teacher” and can serve the same grammatical function if “our teacher” (and the pair of commas) is removed.

WHAT DO I DO?

Find your appositives. To determine whether or not a word or words are appositives, look at what they mean and how they are used.
Decide whether the appositive is restrictive or non-restrictive.
Once you have done these two tasks, use the punctuation rules above to determine whether or not to set them off with commas.

Who is Your Audience?

David Bowman — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:32:50 +0000

Many people will read what you write. We call these people your audience. When you write, your document or manuscript is the tool you use to communicate with them, so understanding them helps you communicate in an appropriate manner. However, unlike some other forms of communication, you actually have two audiences, which we call “primary” and “secondary” audiences. We’ll look at each in turn.

Your primary audience is the person or group of people who will directly receive, or buy, what you write. For example, if you write a book, your primary audience is the person who buys the book. If you are writing a financial report, the primary audience is the person to whom you deliver the report. If you are writing text for your website, the primary audience is the website visitor you are most trying to attract.

When you write, you are trying to communicate information, ideas, impressions, emotions, etc. Whether you are writing fiction, nonfiction, technical documents, or poetry, you have to determine what to include in your document and how to deliver that information.

Once you have figured out who your primary audience is, think about what that person wants or needs. This is one of the most important issues to consider when you are writing and editing. Think critically about that audience and ask a number of important questions, including

a. Why will this person read my document?
b. What problem will this document solve?
c. What does this person want from my document?
d. When and where will this person read?
e. What knowledge does this person already have about the topic?
f. What will this person do with the information in my document?

Answers to these questions (and others you may think of) will help you make decisions about such issues as topics in general, specific content, length, complexity, format, use of headers and footers, use of headings and lists, and word choice. As you can see, knowledge of your primary audience affects not only what you write about but also how.

These are marketing-type questions that will help guide the development of your product: your document. You may have a specific goal to accomplish with your document. However, only through aligning your document with your readers’ needs will you accomplish that goal.

Now that you have created a profile of your primary audience, let’s consider your secondary audience. Your secondary audience is the person or group of people who receive the document from the primary audience. In many cases, though, the document itself is not transferred to the secondary audience-only the information from or about the document is passed on.

For example, if you write a financial analysis of a new program, your primary audience may be your supervisor or contracting agent. If that person takes specific information from the report and uses it to create his or her own report, or if that person passes on the document to another person, then the document or information moves from the primary to the secondary audience.

For another example, if you write a fiction book, the person who buys the book is the primary audience. However, if that person passes the book on to another person, if the original buyer talks about the book to someone else, or if the book is read with a child or another person, then the child or other person is the secondary audience.

Why is this important? Nearly every document or manuscript will have a secondary audience. The needs of that person may be different than the needs of the primary audience. Create a profile of this person, as well, using the same questions listed above. To ensure the effectiveness of your writing (or the widest distribution of the content), identify the secondary audience and consider that person’s needs.

You will want to address both the primary and secondary audiences’ needs. Once you have done so, you will have the information necessary as a writer to create the document or manuscript that others will accept, understand, and appreciate. And this means you will be able to accomplish your goals.

(The content of this article was adapted from 100 Days to Better Writing: A Daily Handbook for Improving Your Writing.)

David Bowman is the Owner and Chief Editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editing, proofreading, and document analysis service for authors, students, and businesses. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

Writing a Strong Middle

David Bowman — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:54:30 +0000

Your book or story has a powerful beginning. It engages the reader. It makes him want to read more. The main character has a big problem, and the reader wants to know how it will be solved. Pretty soon, though, the reader is yawning. She puts the book down and goes to do something more “interesting.” What happened?

You started strong, but your middle is weak.

Based on my experiences as an editor and as a book junkie, two problems create most weak middles: 1) Nothing is happening to increase the conflict; and 2) The writer doesn’t remind the reader about the conflict.

A sample story for discussion

A man is trying to impress a business owner so that he can get a good job and take care of his mother. (Ok, as a plot, that’s a bit simple, but it can work.) He meets the owner’s daughter and falls in love. The man knows that the owner is very protective, so he has to hide his attraction. Getting good now, right? The tension is rising! Eventually, the man and owner’s daughter kiss. This is exciting stuff.

Over the next 20 pages, they kiss more. They walk in the park holding hands. They exchange little gifts of affection. They see a movie and share an ice cream sundae afterwards. They talk for hours on the phone. They gaze into each other’s eyes. While the father is taking care of his business, they meet at the man’s apartment. After carrying on this way for weeks, they are discovered by the father. But by now, the reader has put down the book.

Nothing is happening

In spite of all the activity, nothing happened during those 20 pages. All the mushy stuff is not relevant to the conflict—or, at least, the writer hasn’t shown us how it is important. At the beginning of the story, we get involved in the conflict, how the man is affected by it, and how he responds to it. The conflict is what interests us. But where is the conflict in this part?

In most weak middles, the writer has lost focus on the conflict. In this sample, the tension isn’t increasing. The problems are not getting worse. The man isn’t doing anything about his problems. His goals aren’t being promoted or thwarted. In fact, he seems pretty happy.

Our advice (for this theoretical story): Cut everything from the first kiss to the father’s discovery.

The best service that we provide our clients is, at times, cutting out the stuff they love. The result, however, is always better.

The reader forgets the conflict

When the writer loses focus on the conflict, when the events and actions don’t support the conflict, something bad happens: the reader stops caring. Reader attention is a fragile thing. It must be nurtured. This means the writer has two responsibilities.

First, the writer must make sure every event, every action, relates in some way to the conflict. Each scene is important. We just discussed this, so let’s look at the second responsibility.

Second, the writer must keep reminding the reader of the conflict. He can do this in two ways, the pretty good way, and the really good way. A strong writer will use both ways, particularly if the story is long.

Using the pretty good strategy, the characters will discuss or think about the conflict openly. This makes the conflict obvious. The reader is interested in the conflict, and this technique keeps the conflict at the forefront the reader’s attention. In the sample story described above, the man and woman can discuss the man’s need to support his mother.

The writer tells the reader, “Hey, this is what’s important. Don’t forget that this is what we’re dealing with.” The reader responds with, “Oh, yeah. That’s interesting. Tell me more.” This is the literary equivalent of being poked in the ribs when you’re sleepy.

Using the really good strategy, the main characters directly confront the barriers to their goals, i.e., they engage in a clear demonstration of the conflict. They take their problems head on. Instead of talking about the conflict, as in the pretty good strategy, they do battle. In the sample story above, the man may be at his mother’s bedside while she wheezes, listening to her complaints that he is a bad son and doesn’t care for her.

The writer is showing, “Look, he’s fighting the source of his problems. Here is the problem he’s struggling with.” The reader responds with, “Ah, that’s how it looks. Gee, that’s serious!” This is the literary equivalent of daily strength training at the gym.

A real example

I just finished re-reading The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan, a series of 11 books, each of which has almost 1,000 pages. That’s a long, long, long story. But it works. Other than a short chapter about 1/2-way through book 5, it doesn’t lag in the middle.

Jordan weaves a complex tale that follows 5 groups of people, all working toward the same goal, though against different foes, and all striving with the same conflict, though by different means. And he follows the tale of 3 groups of people who can be classified as the “bad guys.” As I said—a complex tale. At each event, the reader can say, “Here’s how this relates to the main conflict . . . .” Each scene is important and focused. Something is always happening.

Also, Jordan doesn’t let the reader forget the main conflict, which is quite possible with a story this long. Sometimes the characters talk about how they are going to overcome the bad guys (pretty good strategy). Sometimes they are fighting the bad guys (really good strategy).

Keeping a strong middle for 11 books is a remarkable achievement, but Jordon does it by following the strategies discussed here: Focus events on the story conflict, and remind the reader what the story is about: the conflict.

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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How Bad Punctuation Possessed an Entire Town

David Bowman — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:20:23 +0000

Just in time for Halloween, that oddest of celebrations, I will share with you a story of diabolical possession. This is the story of how an entire town became possessed due to frighteningly terrible punctuation.

Nestled in the northern mountains of New Mexico is the town of Taos. Taos is a beautiful town known for the historical and still occupied Taos Indian Pueblo, its arts and crafts cultural influence on Southwest Arts, and its great skiing. Taos is a favorite tourist spot for visitors worldwide. It is a very nice town—at least it was until it was possessed!

Here’s how I learned the story of how Taos became possessed.

I was teaching a continuing education course on writing mechanics. The students and I were discussing the correct uses of apostrophes. “Apostrophes,” I told them, “are PC: they are for Possessives and Contractions.” This became our central concept for studying apostrophes.

Apostrophes for contractions

First we covered contractions, using the apostrophe to replace missing letters in words. This was the simple part. “Where you remove letters,” I told them, “put in the apostrophe.” We examined several examples.

To make a contraction of “can not,” we removed two letters and put the apostrophe in their place, making “can’t.”

To make a contraction of “you are,” we removed one letter and put the apostrophe in its place, to make “you’re.”

The concept is simple, so we quickly moved to using an apostrophe to make possessives, and during this discussion, I learned how Taos became possessed.

Apostrophes for possessives

Our first examples involved using an apostrophe “S” to show possession by a singular noun.

“This is the ball belonging to Tom” becomes “This is Tom’s ball.”
“Bring me the description of the car” becomes “Bring me the car’s description.”

Our next examples involved using an apostrophe only to show possession by a plural noun ending in “S.”

“This is the ball belonging to the kids” becomes “This is the kids’ ball.”
“Bring me the descriptions of the cars” becomes “Bring me the cars’ descriptions.”

Next, we examined using one apostrophe to show possession by multiple owners.

“This is the ball belonging to Tom and Susan” becomes “This is Tom and Susan’s ball.”

We concluded this discussion by looking at using multiple apostrophes to show possession by multiple owners.

“This is the ball belonging to Tom, and this is the ball belonging to Susan” becomes “These are Tom’s and Susan’s balls.”

Errors using apostrophes

Just for fun, the students and I looked at ways that the apostrophe “S” is misused. The most common misuse, we agreed, is using the apostrophe “S” to make a plural. For example, these two sentences contain this error.

“Editor’s don’t like it when writer’s use apostrophe’s to make plural’s.”
[correct: “Editors don’t like it when writers use apostrophes to make plurals.”]
“Eat pickle’s on hamburger’s.”
[correct: “Eat pickles on hamburgers.”]

We got a chuckle out of these examples, but we had a good discussion around using the apostrophe “S” to write about years and initials used as abbreviations. Though these errors used to be fairly common (and still are!), no apostrophe is needed in the following sentences.

“The 1990s were exciting for owners of small businesses.”
“Your CDs don’t play as well as my DVDs.”

To help the students understand how the apostrophe “S” is becoming increasingly misused, I related several cases where it was used in writing third person singular verbs. This is an error I started to see a few years ago. I don’t understand how anyone can think this is right, but it is becoming more common.

“The swimmer who finishe’s first win’s the race.”
[correct: “The swimmer who finishes first wins the race.”]
“My mother drive’s to the store every day.”
[correct: “My mother drives to the story every day.”]

How Taos became possessed

When we had finished looking at these misuses, one student raised her hand. I called on her, and she asked, “What about using apostrophes for names that end in “S”? What a great question, especially because I had forgotten to cover that topic.

Although I didn’t know it, she had a very specific example to discuss, one that would change forever the goodness I normally felt about punctuation. For me, apostrophes would forever after become the evil bearers of wickedness.

Unaware of her intent, we launched into a discussion of using the apostrophe “S” for names ending in “S.” Following the concept that plural nouns ending in “S” only need an apostrophe, and, by contrast, singular nouns ending in “S” need an apostrophe “S,” we looked at these two examples.

“This is the ball belonging to Chris” becomes “This is Chris’s ball.”
“This is the house belonging to the Joneses” becomes “This is the Jones’ house.”

She shook her head and said that wasn’t what she was asking about. I felt a stab of fear. A cold feeling, as if a ghost had passed by, entered my soul. I had a sudden premonition of evil about to descend, and it did.

Her supervisor, a servant of the dark if there ever was one, used an apostrophe to possess Taos! According to her, her supervisor spells “Taos” as “Tao’s.” Oh, wicked day! That apostrophe “S” makes a possessive. With one stroke of his pen, one strike on his keyboard, one nick of his pencil, Taos becomes possessive, and the people within, I can only assume, become possessed, possessed by “Tao.”

Recoiling in fright, I told her that I had never seen such a fiendish error using the apostrophe. Apostrophe “S” to make a plural is common, and using the apostrophe “S” to make the third person singular verb is becoming common, but this was an entirely new form of punctuation wickedness.

For fear of becoming possessed myself, I can no longer visit the beautiful town of Taos. Nor can I use the once-benign apostrophe, even with correct apostrophe use, without shuddering. Can someone stop this evil curse of mistaken possession? Will the horror ever end?

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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Coffee Is Wonderful (in my opinion)

David Bowman — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:10:47 +0000

Coffee is a wonderful beverage. It has a pleasant taste, and it can help you wake up, think clearly, recover quickly after a strenuous workout, and lose weight. People who drink coffee feel good about themselves.

Not so fast, buckaroo.

Some of this may be true, but some is certainly an opinion. Here are the opinions:

Wonderful beverage,
Pleasant taste, and
Feel good about themselves.

Opinions creep into our writing easily, and they can damage our relationship with the reader. When you provide opinions, you don’t respect the readers’ rights to form their own opinions from the facts. In contrast, you create the opportunity for the reader to discredit your authority.

As seen from the example above, opinions may be expressed as if they were facts. You are stating “I believe this is true.” The reader, however, may have a different opinion, in which case you will establish a confrontational relationship with the reader. Also, an astute reader will be able to separate facts from opinions. After realizing that you are expressing opinions, this reader may also reject your facts, or at least question them. In either case, you lose credibility as an authority in the subject.

Facts are superior to opinions. Provide facts and allow the reader to decide how to interpret or use them. This demonstrates respect for your reader. If the facts are valid and comprehensive, you can build a logical argument to support your main point. Present your facts well, and your reader will interpret them correctly—the same way you interpret them.

Let’s look at that example again, this time without the opinions. The point we are trying to make is that coffee is a “wonderful beverage.”

“Coffee can help you wake up, think clearly, recover quickly after a strenuous workout, and lose weight. Additionally, many people enjoy the taste of coffee and find that drinking coffee improves their mood.”

These are facts. Notice how I managed to sneak in a few personal opinions by stating them as the opinions of others, e.g., “Many people find that coffee has a pleasant taste.” In this revision, this is no longer a personal opinion. It is a fact. Many people do feel this way.

This version recognizes the readers’ rights to determine their own opinion. The readers will consider the facts and, in many cases, decide (or agree) that coffee is a wonderful beverage, which is our opinion. Also, we have not alienated those with different opinions. They can’t argue with the facts, and they are not insulted by being told that opposing opinions are wrong. We have avoided expressing our opinion, and we will keep a positive relationship with the reader.

You can express your opinions. You don’t want to do this for documents that are supposed to be objective, such as scientific papers and newspaper stories; they are not appropriate in those contexts. Determine whether or not opinions are appropriate for the document you write.

Let’s say that you determine that you can express your opinion. Here are four guidelines to prevent turning off your reader.

State your opinions as opinions (e.g., “In my opinion . . .”).
Support your opinions with facts (e.g., “I am of this opinion because . . .”).
Draw any conclusions on the facts, not the opinions (e.g., “This evidence supports the idea that . . .”).
Provide opinions only on topics about which you have comprehensive, in-depth information or experience.

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

Did you enjoy this? Don’t miss out! There’s plenty more at The Cuckleburr Times from David.

What Do Your Characters Want?

David Bowman — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:12:33 +0000

The most important element in a story is conflict. If your story does not have a central conflict, you don’t actually have a story-you have a picture, a static description of people and places. Without conflict, you won’t have a reason for events to occur. And you will bore your reader.

How does character’s desire relate to conflict?

The basis of conflict is the difference between what your character has and what he wants. Something must be wrong with the character’s personality, perspective, relationships, circumstances, or abilities. The character with a conflict will be in a state of unease and dissatisfaction. The purpose of the story, therefore, is to show how the character reaches a state of satisfaction. This is true for both fiction and nonfiction.

For an easy example, think about the stories of Sherlock Holmes. Holmes reads the papers and notes various crimes and other questionable activities. These do not create conflict for him. However, at some point, he agrees to investigate a particular crime. At that point, he has a conflict. Holmes is in a state of dissatisfaction because he does not know how or why something happened, and he wants to solve that mystery. He doesn’t understand, but he wants to. When he figures out how the crime was committed, he is again satisfied. The conflict is over.

Identifying what the character wants

This was a simplistic illustration, but the concepts expressed in this example are true of all other stories, as well. Think about the books you have read and the movies you have seen. In one sentence, describe what the main character wants. “The main character wants . . . .” The answer may be deeper than just solving some immediate problem. (An example of an immediate problem is being trapped in a burning office building and needing to escape to safety.) In complex stories, the central conflict is represented in many events.

Think about the book and movie Carrie by Stephan King. An example of an immediate problem is when Carrie’s mother refuses permission for her to attend the school prom. Carrie wants to go, but her mother says no. She has a conflict between what she wants (go to the prom) and her current circumstances (her mother’s refusal). In a very, very short story, this immediate problem may be enough, but not in a book-length story. Instead, this immediate problem represents the central conflict, a deeper conflict that governs the events throughout the story.

Carrie wants to be normal, as defined by her society at large, which she sees as a requirement for acceptance by others. She knows that she is different than her peers, and she believes her dissatisfaction stems from her differences. She tries to do things like the “other girls” to reach a state of satisfaction. Ultimately, though, her solution is not to be like everyone else but to accept and employ her uniqueness. Once she does that, she is no longer dissatisfied. Her conflict is resolved.

The writer’s task

Now, think about the story you want to write. What does your main character want? Write it down. If you can’t do it in one sentence, you probably don’t understand your character well enough to write about him or her.

On the other hand, once you understand what your character wants, you can begin to identify the barriers to satisfaction and the actions taken to reach satisfaction. You can begin to create the scenes that represent how the character is affected by and acts upon his desires. This will create a rich story.

Benefits of identifying your character’s desire

With clear knowledge of your character’s desire, you can examine your manuscript as a whole and evaluate whether particular scenes are relevant and necessary, or whether they need to be removed, moved, or revised. This will create a focused, progressive story.

In a great book, one that people will buy and read, the character wants the same things that the reader wants. The reader will be able to say, “I have felt the same way. I want that, too!” This allows the reader to understand the character and be interested in how the character responds to his or her desires. This will create an engaging story. When we review author’s manuscripts, this is first and most important thing we look for.

Before you begin writing, ask yourself, “What does my character want?”

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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How to Write Your Resume Cover Letter

David Bowman — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 23:25:49 +0000

Given the state of today’s economy, many people are looking for work. Other than the regular crowd of job-seekers, the recent graduates, the job-changers, and the youth seeking jobs while they go to school, the job market is being flooded with people who have been laid off.

Companies with positions to fill have many applicants from which to choose. What this means is that your cover letter and resume are very important.

Your cover letter, in particular, is often your first interview with a company, the first chance for a hiring agent to get to know you. A good resume cover letter can help you make a good impression and get an interview. A weak cover letter might cause your resume to be placed in the reject pile.

Many of our clients have asked, “What do I put in my cover letter?” And nearly all of our clients have needed assistance with organizing the content of their letters. Below, we will address both of these issues. If you come seeking our help with your resume and cover letter, great. However, the brief guide below should get you started on writing a successful cover letter.

Cover Letter Content and Organization

Paragraph One: Introduce yourself and state your intentions. This 1 to 2-sentence paragraph tells the reviewer who you are and why you are submitting your cover letter and resume. For companies with multiple job openings, this paragraph also tells the reviewer which pile to put your resume in. Your name is at the bottom of the letter in the signature line, so you don’t need to repeat it here. Instead, describe the type of person you are.

Example: As an experienced sales and marketing professional, I am interested in the position of regional sales manager with the XYZ Company.

Paragraph Two: Summarize your qualifications for the position. Focus on your abilities, not your specific skills. (Abilities are personal characteristics; skills are specific behaviors you can perform. You can learn skills, if needed, but abilities tell what kind of person you are.) The description of your abilities lets the reviewer know if you will be able to learn the skills and how you will perform in a professional environment. However, be careful of using “buzz words” without illustration. You can briefly address your professional history in this paragraph as a way to illustrate your abilities. 3 to 4 sentences should be sufficient.

Example: I am a creative, yet focused, professional with strong managerial skills. My knowledge of system integration, coupled with my leadership abilities, has enabled me to identify and enact efficiencies in even the most complicated organizational environments. For example, in my most recent position, I created new quality control processes and instructed inter-departmental teams on their use. Although I am a “company man,” I am also an individual thinker, seeking new opportunities for the company to reach target markets and surpass financial goals.

Paragraph Three: In this paragraph, you answer this question: “Why are you applying for this position?” In answering this question, you address two issues. First, describe how this position fits your abilities and interests. In a sense, you are saying that this position is appropriate for who you are now. Second, describe how this position will help you advance your career goals. This tells the reviewer that you have a strong interest in the position and will do what you can to succeed and grow. Again, 3 to 4 sentences will be enough.

Example: The leadership and marketing perspective required for a regional sales manager align with my abilities and experiences. I am enthusiastic about expanding my broad knowledge of the market and diverse populations, two aspects of this position I find particularly exciting. Furthermore, this position will assist me to advance into progressively higher responsibilities, and it will provide the satisfaction I earn by succeeding in new and challenging responsibilities.

Paragraph Four: The final paragraph is short, 1 – 2 sentences only. In this paragraph, you bring your resume cover letter to a close by thanking the reviewer and by calling for action. You say “thank you” because that is polite and professional. (After all, the person has read this far and deserves your gratitude.) The action step is essential. Here you answer the question “What’s next?” Will you call the person? Do you want the person to contact you? Do you want to set up an interview? State the action as the final sentence.

Example: Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss how I can support the mission of the XYZ Company.

Other Considerations for Your Resume Cover Letter

Delivery: Paper, e-mail, or fax. Call the personnel agent (or other contact) to ask how to send the resume and cover letter. Although e-mail is very popular, don’t assume-ask. Fax is not recommended unless specifically requested. You cannot control the quality at the other end. Also, if the company wants a paper copy, send it by mail. If you are sending your cover letter by e-mail, send it as an attachment as a PDF file.

Fonts: Times New Roman or other serif font. This looks professional, and it is easier to read than a non-serif font, such as Arial.

Letterhead: Yes. Use a letterhead if you have one. However, don’t use one that is overly stylistic, i.e., too cute.

Layout and format: Use a standard business letter format, complete with date and recipient’s address. Remember to use a colon, not a comma, after the recipient’s name in the greeting. Use 1-inch margins for the letter content.

Recipient: The phrase “To Whom It May Concern” is not appropriate. Send it to a person by name or by position. For example, send it to “Dear Thomas Hardy” or send it to “Dear Sales Division Director.” Using the name is preferred, but the second option is acceptable if you cannot find the person’s name after a serious attempt.

Paper: (This only applies if you send the cover letter and resume by mail.) Use the same type paper for the cover letter and the resume. Choose professional, strong, slightly-off white paper. The paper should be easy to read, so avoid paper with background graphics, watermarks, or obvious design elements. The content, not the paper, will promote your qualifications.

Length: Neither longer nor shorter are preferred. The appropriateness of the content is more important than the length of the letter. With that said, though, 1/2 to 3/4 page should be enough, even if you use a letterhead. If you go over 3/4 page, see what you can cut or condense. Concise writing is persuasive, vigorous writing.

Writing Mechanics: Spelling, punctuation, grammar, and word usage should be perfect. Reviewers will respond positively to well-written content, consciously or unconsciously. On the other hand, errors in writing mechanics create an immediate poor impression of your professionalism.

Assistance: Get it if you need it. Some job seekers need someone to write the letter for them. Others need editing for clarity, organization, and persuasiveness. And some simply need help proofreading to ensure perfect use of mechanics.

Two Last Comments

The advice above is based on our work with successful job-seekers. Many cover letter formats are available, and many people and organizations offer recommendations, so don’t take this advice as the final, definitive word on the subject. This format has worked for our clients. Find what works best for you.

Finally, if you are currently looking for a job, or if you foresee the need in the near future, I wish you well. This is a tough time, but jobs are available. Don’t get discouraged. You can do it. We can help.

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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In My Opinion, I Think That I Believe This is Bad Writing

David Bowman — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 05:10:13 +0000

I recently responded to the following question: “I am trying to improve the exposition/argument I am writing in English. What can I write instead of ‘in my opinion…’?”

As an editor, I like writing that gets to the point, communicates confidently, and provides new information. Phrases such as “in my opinion,” “I think that,” and “I believe” create three problems for writers.

They delay the writer’s message.
They demonstrate insecurity.
They tell the reader what he already knows.

Let’s look at why this is, using the sample sentence, “In my opinion, flowers are better than elephants.”

1. Delayed message
The statement the writer wants to make is “flowers are better than elephants.” If that’s the statement, then the writer simply needs to make it and not waste the reader’s time with “in my opinion.” Phrases such as “in my opinion” will always delay the writer from the point he or she wants to make. My advice: Get to the point. Make the statement.

2. Insecurity
Writers use these types of phrases so that they don’t have to make clear, definitive, confident answers. When you express something as only an opinion or personal belief, you can’t be blamed later if you are wrong. After all, the statement was only an opinion, not fact. The reader will be right to wonder if the information is only opinion, in which case it can be ignored, or if it is fact. Strong, confident writing expresses information as the truth. Confident writing is more direct and more persuasive.

3. Unnecessary information
Who is writing the words? The writer is. Unless the writer is quoting or citing the ideas from someone else, whose ideas are they? The writer’s. What this means is that the statement is the writers idea, opinion, belief, and thoughts. The reader will understand this. As such, the writer doesn’t need to tell the reader that the ideas are his own.

Formal vs. informal writing
In personal writing, such as letters, diaries, journals, and private memos, the writer can write whatever he wants, however he wants. In formal writing, though, the standards are much higher. Formal writing includes academic papers, business reports, letters to colleagues or stakeholders, and journal articles.

Standards are higher for two main reasons. First, the need to communicate accurately is higher. Ideas are stated more directly and clearly. Second, the writer needs to create an image, or demonstrate a level of credibility. When a writer creates a good image, the reader will be confident that the information is accurate and that the person writing is credible. By maintaining high standards, the writer builds trust in the reader.

Answer to the question
So this brings us back to the original question: “What can I write instead of ‘in my opinion’?” Based on the issues discussed above, the answer is “Nothing.” In my response to the person asking the question, I encouraged him to remove that phrase, or any similar phrase, and get to the point. “Don’t replace it with something else,” I advised. “Replace it with nothing.”

Using our example
Instead of writing, “In my opinion, flowers are better than elephants,” the writer should concisely, directly, and confidently state, “Flowers are better than elephants.”

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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It’s Like My Least Favorite Word

David Bowman — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 05:00:45 +0000

My two favorite words are still “axiom” and “myriad.” Say them with me “ax – ee – umm” . . . “mere – ee – aad.” Good three-syllable words. Strong words. Words like “Dracula” and “Frankenstein.” Pretty words.

But this article isn’t about my favorite words. It’s about the word I have recently decided to hate.

Last week I was flying back from a week of grant writing assistance in Alaska. About 10 hours into my travels, I heard the young lady in the plane seat behind me say the following sentence. Read it aloud and try to guess which word is my least favorite: “Like I was like what’s wrong with like that and he was like I like guess it’s like ok.”

If you guessed the word “ok,” you’re wrong. My new least favorite word is “like.” And she used it six times in the same sentence. Ack!

Actually, “like” is a great word when used correctly-and sparingly. The word “like” establishes a comparison to help the reader or listener understand some topic or concept. To communicate a new idea or some characteristic, we compare the thing to something familiar.

For example: Puppies are like five-year-old children on permanent sugar highs. Just to be clear, puppies are not really five year old children. They are like (i.e., similar to, resembling) five-year-old children. This is a simile. However, it is this distinction that makes the overuse of this word such a problem. If I say, “I’m like ok,” for example, then I am NOT ok. I’m only similar to “ok.”

Sentences such as “I was like, what are you doing?” simply don’t make sense. This sentence is using “like” to create a simile, but what is being compared? Do I resemble “what are you doing?” No. When I heard that sentence I was like a dog choking on a bone.

As I mentioned earlier, using “like” to create similes is fine when infrequent. This is not an issue with the word “like” but with similes in general. When you are communicating a complex or foreign idea, they can be useful. When you are using them for no other reason than to create an artistic effect, they are unnecessary.

The overuse of similes is a sure sign of an amateur writer. A writer who uses too many similes is like a child drawing with only one color of crayon. Clever at first, but quickly becoming dull. An experienced, professional writer rarely needs them because he or she will have the ability to describe things as they are. Additionally, because direct similes using “like” are so obvious to the reader, and often sound forced when frequent, good writers will rely on implied similes.

For example, the sentence, “Our chief of staff, a wolf in disguise, fired the unsuspecting clerk” compares the chief of staff to a wolf, perhaps a wolf in lamb’s wool. This is not a metaphor because it implies that the chief of staff is similar to a lion in disguise. For another example of an implied simile, the phrase “late night yawns of death” compares the process of dying in old age to the process of falling asleep. According to this implied simile, they are similar. And the writer didn’t need to use “like” even once. Yeah!

Do I catch myself using “like” like the girl on the plane? Yes, sometimes. This abuse is so prevalent in society that it begins to sound normal, and it sometimes slithers into my speech (another implied simile). You won’t find it in my formal writing or, I hope, my formal speech. Because, like, that would be like so wrong.

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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“None of these” is plural

David Bowman — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 02:21:57 +0000

Grammarians, grammar geeks, linguists, and editors need a little excitement now and then. We need something to fight about. After all, we’re preserving the civilized world by helping people understand one another, right? A good argument keeps our pencils sharpened and our brains active.One favorite topic about which we fight is the use of the word “none.” Specifically, is ”none” singular or plural? Does it require a singular or plural verb?

Which of these is correct?
“None of the students is absent.”
“None of the students are absent.”

You might have a preference based on what sounds most familiar to you, but that is a risky way to determine what is correct.

The first camp (singular):
Some argue that “none,” which derives from the term “not one,” must be singular always. This would make the first sentence correct. After all, the subject of the sentence is “none,” followed by the prepositional phrase “of the students.” “Students” is the object of the preposition “of.” Because “none,” meaning “not one,” is the subject, then we need the singular verb “is.”

The second camp (either):
Others argue that “none” is singular or plural depending on what it refers to. For example, in the two above sentences, “none” refers to “students.” We call “students” the referent. Because “none” refers to a plural noun, it is plural, and we need the plural verb “are.” This is similar to finding the antecedent of a pronoun. The pronoun must be singular or plural depending on the word to which it refers.

My side of this argument:
I’m a recent convert to the second camp. I made the switch because 1) this argument makes sense, and 2) “none” has been used this way for centuries.

On some issues, such as “which” vs. “that,” I am a prescriptive grammarian. Regardless of how people (mis)use these words, I stick to the rule. The difference between “that” and “which” is an issue of understanding. These two words communicate different meanings.

On this issue, however, I believe I can safely follow usage patterns and not the “rules.” It doesn’t affect the meaning, which is my most important concern. With this in mind, here’s my advice.

1. Find the word/words to which “none” refers, i.e., the referent.
2. Determine if the referent is singular or plural.
3. Use a singular or plural verb depending on the referent.

Try these fun(?) examples:
A. “None of the furniture is/are clean.”
B. “He discovered that none of the drivers know/knows the direction.”
C. “Have you seen my socks? None is/are where I put it/them.”
D. “None sparkle/sparkles.”

Answers:
A. is [The referent is "furniture," which is singular.]
B. know [The referent is "drivers," which is plural.]
C. are, them [The referent for "none" and the antecedent for "them" is socks, which is plural.]
D. unknown. [We need the referent to answer this one. For example, if we're writing about jewelry, we need the singular "sparkles." If we're writing about diamonds, we need the plural "sparkle."]

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Tip: Keep verbs as verbs, not as nouns.

David Bowman — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:01:28 +0000

Words like “eradication,” “utilization,” “usage,” and “transference” sound very fancy. These words are nouns that come from the verbs “eradicate,” “utilize,” “use,” and “transfer,” respectively. The process of changing a verb into a noun is called “nominalization.” Most words ending in “-tion” “-ment,” and “-ence/-ance” are nominalizations.

Nominalizations create weak, cumbersome, and pretentious writing. For clear, engaging, and effective writing, revise your sentences to change nominalizations back into verbs. In many cases, you may be able to remove the word altogether.

Examples:
Our enactment of the plan for the eradication of the disease was a failure. (We failed to eradicate the disease.)
There is resentment towards this policy. (Some people resent this policy.)
The commencement of the ceremony will be at noon. (The ceremony will commence at noon.)

Convert nominalizations back into their verb forms and revise the sentence accordingly. Then consider whether the revised sentence says the same thing as the original but in a simpler, more direct manner. In most cases, the revised sentences will be far superior to those laden by nominalizations.

This is tip #16 from our series Writing Tips for a Year. More information: http://preciseedit.com and http://hostileediting.com.

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development.

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Writing Tip: Avoid Over-generalizing

David Bowman — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:01:17 +0000

One of my favorite expressions as a kid was, “Oh, yeah? Prove it.” (I was a precocious child.) Over-generalizing means making a general statement or reaching a conclusion from a very limited number of examples. When you over-generalize, you invite your reader to ask, “Oh, yeah? Prove it.”

If you base an argument, concept, fact, idea, etc. on your over-generalized statement, the reader can discredit everything you have written. The reader only needs one example to prove you wrong.

Here’s the tip that accompanies “avoid over-generalization”: When you make a general statement, make sure it’s true in EVERY case.

Some examples of over-generalizing are:
“As everyone knows . . .”
“She was always smiling.”
“People loved her cooking.”
“This is the most exciting movie.”
“The stores in this town are no good.”
“Text books are boring.”
“People do this when they’re tired.”
“Men are pigs, but women are angels.”
“It figures.”

This is tip #4 from our series Writing Tips for a Year. Read more information and receive a free sample subscription at http://preciseedit.com and http://hostileediting.com.

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Writing with Spin: Making Your Readers Happy with Bad News

David Bowman — Sat, 30 May 2009 05:01:17 +0000

Perhaps you have heard the adage “No news is good news.” In contrast, sometimes the news is bad. How are you going to communicate that bad news? Your last employer fired you. You are writing a financial report to stakeholders, and the company is losing money. You were required to perform specific duties and meet objectives, but you didn’t. You have a job to do, and it’s taking longer than expected. You failed a class in your undergraduate program. You have to miss work-again. You need to raise taxes because your budget is too high. Too many patients are dying. Etcetera.

A. The Purpose of Spin

Now you have to put the bad news in writing. One benefit of writing is that you can craft your words very carefully to say what needs to be said, honestly, but in a manner that reduces the negative impact. You can tell the truth, but tell it in a way that gives a better impression than the news deserves. This is called “spin,” or “spinning,” the news.

Sometimes, good news is made to seem like bad news, and this is also spin. Here, however, we are going to discuss 5 strategies for making bad news seem less bad. These are strategies for hiding an unpleasant truth while being completely honest.

B. 5 Main Spin Strategies

1. Replace disparaging terminology and descriptors with positive actions.

You could write, “The company is losing money.” Or you could spin this and write, “The company is reassessing weak revenue streams.” “Losing” is a negative term, but “reassessing” is a positive action.

Instead of writing, “I failed this class,” you could spin this and write “I am strategizing how to attain greater success next semester.” “Failed” is a negative term, but “strategizing” is a positive action.

2. Focus on what was achieved, not on how you failed.

You could write, “We didn’t meet expectations.” Or you could spin this and write, “We nearly met all expectations.” “Didn’t meet” is a sign of failure. “Nearly met” is a sign of progress.

Instead of writing, “18% of all patients died from hospital staff errors,” you could spin this and write, “82% of all patients successfully recovered while at the hospital.”

3. Downplay and disparage criticisms and critics.

You could write, “Harvard economists argue against our budget plan.” Or you could spin this and write, “While some Harvard economists reject our budget plan, others with more direct experience at the national level support our proposals.”

Instead of writing, “Our previous client was upset that we didn’t meet deadlines,” you could spin this and write, “Our previous client had difficulty understanding the time frame needed to produce high quality work.”

4. Understate negative characteristics by stating “not + [extreme positive term].”

You could write, “He thought our writing was awful.” Or you could spin this and write, “He was not completely satisfied with our writing.”

Instead of writing, “The professor was angry at me for arriving late so often,” you could spin this and write, “The professor was mostly, but not entirely, pleased with my attendance habits.”

5. Use big, undefined conceptual terms to minimize the complexity of a situation, uncertainty about the future, or the potential for opposing philosophical perspectives.

You could write, “We are going to require upper and middle class taxpayers to share an increasing percentage of the cost for health insurance for non-taxpayers.” Or you can spin this and write, “We are going to enact legislation to ensure that all citizens are healthy.” ["Healthy" is not defined, but because the focus is on "healthy," readers may overlook the essential question: "How?"]

Instead of writing, “Our employees are encouraged to keep quiet about any alleged company wrong-doings and face termination without warning if they discredit the company in public,” you could spin this and write, “We encourage employee loyalty.” [The specific meaning of "loyalty" is not defined, though the company's unspoken policies certainly will produce loyalty-from fear.]

C. Ethical Considerations of Spin

I cannot talk about spin without talking about ethics. Spinning the news may raise significant ethical questions, depending on your point of view. On one hand, you are telling the truth about situations and facts. None of the spin statements above are false. If the reader doesn’t ask questions or think about what you write, that is the reader’s fault, not yours.

On the other hand, you are intentionally attempting to make the reader have a false interpretation of the situation or facts. You want the reader to think more positively about a situation than he or she might otherwise. You aren’t deceiving the reader, but you are getting the reader to deceive himself.

You also need to think about the purpose you are trying to accomplish. Spin may or may not be appropriate. You might not need to spin the facts depending on who will receive the document, what the reader already knows, the impression you are trying to give, or your role.

Writing Tip: Avoid starting sentences with “it.”

David Bowman — Mon, 04 May 2009 17:41:41 +0000

The word “it” is often used as the subject of a sentence when the real subject, the rhetorical subject, is somewhere later in the sentence. The word “it” serves as a placeholder because something needs to be in the subject position.

Consider this sentence. “It’s understandable that you are bored.” In this case, the word “it” means “that you are bored.” By itself, the word “it” has no meaning; it is only a placeholder. To write more effectively, put the “real” subject in the subject’s place, not “it.”

The sample sentence can be revised as “That you are bored is understandable.” Ok, so this revised sentence is a bit awkward. Figure out who is doing the action in the sentence, i.e., find the rhetorical subject, which may or may not be mentioned in the sentence. In this case, the person doing the action is “I,” “We,” or something like that. Thus, you can revise the sentence to read as follows.

“I can understand why you are bored.”

Note: The only time starting with “it” is acceptable is when “it” refers to something that you have just mentioned. For example: “I saw the ball. It was on the table.”

This is tip #40 from our series Writing Tips for a Year. More information: http://preciseedit.com and http://hostileediting.com.

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The One-Sentence Paragraph

David Bowman — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 05:01:46 +0000

Paragraphs can be written in many ways. In nonfiction documents, for example, a paragraph may first establish context for an idea, provide supporting information, and then conclude with an impact or action statement that leads to the next idea. In fiction or narrative documents, a paragraph may show a single action or provide a character’s immediate response to an experience. Some writers use long paragraphs to fully explore an idea, while others may prefer short, terse paragraphs.

In all cases, however, the purpose of a paragraph is to present one idea to the reader. The complexity of the idea and the reader’s need for explanation determine the length of the paragraph. A careful writer will balance the reader’s needs with his or her style preferences. This brings us to a question I have been asked occasionally. How many sentences should be in a paragraph? The answer I give is based on the “one idea per paragraph” concept: at least one.

If the preceding paragraphs have provided sufficient information for the reader to understand the idea, and if the connections between the ideas are clear, and if the value and implications of the idea will be obvious to the reader, one sentence may be sufficient.

Unlike paragraphs with multiple sentences, a one-sentence paragraph places heavy emphasis on the idea. It is a high-impact tool for telling the reader, “This is very important.” Very few ideas require this level of emphasis. Used sparingly, one-sentence paragraphs can be very effective for pointing out critical ideas or keeping the reader mentally focused on the content.

On the other hand, a document with too many one-sentence paragraphs loses this effect. The writer who uses too many, or uses them too close together, is telling the reader that many of the ideas are very important. As a result, he or she loses the ability to point out specific ideas as being the most important. This is similar to always shouting. If you shout everything you say, no single shouted idea has more emphasis than any other.

Another problem with documents that contain too many one-sentence paragraphs is that they are unpleasant to read. Each one-sentence paragraph creates an emotional impact. The reader will need time to recover, meaning the reader is no longer considering new information as it relates to the high-impact statement. If the effect of the previous emotional impact has not yet “worn off,” adding another impact places emotional stress on the reader’s subconscious. Eventually, the reader will become mentally fatigued, and the entire document will lose value.

In summary, here are three guidelines for using one-sentence paragraphs effectively.

Use them only for stand-alone ideas that do not need explanation.
Use them when you want to create heavy emphasis for an idea.
Use them infrequently.

One last note:

This does not apply to journalistic writing. One-sentence paragraphs are a common style for journalistic writing, especially in print journalism. For all other types of writing, however, these guidelines apply.

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Guns, Bullets, and Bang: Combining impact strategies

David Bowman — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:31:03 +0000

A man walks into a bank with a gun in his hand. “Ok, everybody,” he shouts, “lie on the floor! This is a hold-up!” Some people obey immediately, but a few don’t. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of bullets. “Get on the floor,” he commands. “I have a handful of bullets!” When that doesn’t provoke the desired response, the man begins throwing the bullets one at a time. The security guards quickly realize that the man has no bullets in the gun. They dodge the bullets the man throws at them and quickly overpower him.

Why did this man fail to rob the bank? He had the necessary tools, namely the bullets and the gun. His problem, however, was that he used them separately. Each tool had some effect, but they did not help him accomplish his purpose when used alone. In most cases, tools need to be combined to make the greatest impact on your audience, whether people in a bank or people who read your documents.

Sample Strategies for Impact

Writers have at their disposal many strategies for making an impact. In most cases, they can be used independently to create some level of emphasis, or impact. For example,

Parallelism: Creating a series of parallel items provides increasing emphasis on those items while showing how they are related to a main point.
Framing: Framing ideas by stating similar ideas at the beginning and end of an argument reinforces those ideas and keeps the reader focused.
Sentence Fragment: A sentence fragment starting with a conjunction tells the reader to pay close attention to what comes next.
Style Shift: Dropping in a rare colloquialism garners reader attention to a particular point.
Terminal Placement: Stating the most important information or concept at the end of a sentence or paragraph demonstrates its importance and helps the reader focus on it.
Short Phrase or Sentence: Short sentences and phrases have the potential to create strong emphasis. They catch the eyes visually, and the punctuation on either side creates pauses so that the phrase or sentence stands out.

Many such strategies exist. In fact, the writing guide Bang! Writing with Impact contains over 200 such strategies.

However, these strategies increase the overall impact of your writing when they are combined logically and artistically. Let’s look at a great example of how the strategies described above can be combined to create an overall emphasis on a particular idea.

Sample of Strategies Combined

The text in this sample is taken from An Intellectual and Cultural History of the Western World by Harry Elmer Barnes (Author: 1937, 1941; Dover Publications Inc.: 1965). The passage discusses the idea that while human nature has not changed since the earliest days of our history, humankind has made great advances in culture, thus negating the idea that human nature is a barrier to societal advancement. By the time you finish reading this selection, you will have a good idea of where the author stands on this issue, and, likely, you will agree with him.

These considerations should serve to make clear that what we regard as human civilization has developed without any change in human nature. Our institutions, literature, art, and religion have grown from the most rudimentary beginnings to their present forms without involving the slightest changes in the physical equipment which we designate as human nature. We have passed from cave dwellings to the Empire State building and Rockefeller Center, from small clans and tribes to great national states and colonial empires, from the possession of a few skins and bone implements to billionaires, and from illiteracy to the wisdom of a John Dewey or the erudition of a Joseph McCabe. And all of these advances have been accomplished with the same old human nature, persisting unchanged.

The writer used the strategies above to emphasize his points, lead to a final conclusion, and make an impact on his readers. Let’s take a look at how these strategies were used.

Parallelism: This passage contains two major examples of parallelism. The second sentence contains a parallel series of 4 individual words (“institutions, literature . . .”). The third sentence contains a series of 4 parallel phrases. In most cases, four items in a series is the maximum for creating emphasis. Using more than four actually reduces impact.
Framing: The first sentence provides the context for upcoming text: “human civilization has developed without any change in human nature.” Then the author provides some discussion of this, some examples, etc. Finally, in the last four words of the paragraph, he reinforces his idea: “human nature, persisting unchanged.” Thus, we start and finish with the central concept, which frames the entire passage.
Sentence Fragment: Starting a sentence with “and,” “but,” and “yet,” (coordinating conjunctions) will always make a sentence fragment. However, this strategy tells the reader that the next information is inherently linked to and provides the conclusion from the previous statement. This tells the reader, “Pay attention. I’m about to write something important.” The author used this strategy by starting the final sentence, “And all of these advances . . . .” At this point, he begins to build up to the final impact statement.
Style Shift: This passage has a fairly academic tone. While the author obviously is passionate about this issue (we know this from the other strategies), he maintains a high, fairly impersonal tone. Then, he uses the term “same old,” which is a colloquialism. This draws the reader’s attention to what comes next. If the reader’s attention has started to wander during the previous discussion, this temporary shift in style will draw the reader back in so that the author can make his central point, which follows immediately.
Terminal Placement: The most important information in a sentence should be at the end of the sentence. Similarly, the most important information in a paragraph should be at the end of the paragraph. The reason for this is simple. The words at the end of the paragraph have the potential to create the greatest impact, so placing the main idea there means placing the greatest emphasis on the main point. The last four words of this paragraph summarize the main point.
Short Phrase or Sentence: Look at the final phrase of the entire passage: “persisting unchanged.” It has only two words, but it states the point of the entire passage: human nature has persisted unchanged and yet all these accomplishments have occurred.

Harry Barnes packed many strategies into four sentences. The effect is cumulative, building to an impressive, emphatic conclusion. The final sentence, alone, combines four strategies, which together build to the final impact statement: start with a conjunction to catch the reader’s attention, shift the style to increase the impact, and conclude with the most important information in a very short phrase.

Barnes would have been a very successful bank robber.

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students.

In the Year 2009, and Other Troubling Times for Writers

David Bowman — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 12:01:58 +0000

Writing about time, such as the year 2009, can create difficulties and result in poorly written text. Poor writing about time falls into 6 categories. However, each category is matched with an editing concept that we, as editors, apply to improve clients’ documents, regardless of the topic.

Unnecessary words
People may use more words than necessary to describe time, particularly years.

“In the year two thousand and nine”: Writing out the year is no longer the standard convention. This can be written “in the year 2009,” which brings us to the next example.
“In the year 2009″: This can be written simply as “in 2009.” The content should provide sufficient indication that “2009″ refers to a year.
“At the time when” can be written “when.”

Overly grandiose
Some writers intentionally write in a grandiose (i.e., overly fancy and complicated) manner. In nearly every case, this produces poor writing. Expressions referring to time are not immune to grandiose writing.

“Since the dawn of time” can be written as “historically” or replaced with “have always.”
“In the year two thousand and nine” is grandiose. Use “in 2009.”
“In the year of our Lord, 2009″ is no longer used. In most cases, this can be replaced with “in 2009.” However, if the reader won’t understand that this is in the current era (i.e., after the birth of Christ), use “2009 A.D.”

Redundant
Redundant writing repeats information. It is dull and demonstrates disrespect for the reader. While we could think of many examples of redundant writing, here are a few that relate to time.

“3:00 a.m. in the morning” If the time is a.m., then it must be in the morning, and vice versa. This can be written “3:00 a.m.” OR “3:00 in the morning.”
“16:00 p.m.” When you write using a 24-hour clock (a.k.a. military time), you never need “a.m.” or “p.m.” “P.M.” refers to afternoon, and “16:00″ can only occur in the afternoon, so this is redundant. Simply write “16:00.” If you want to use “a.m.” and “p.m.,” then you should write “4:00 p.m.”
“simultaneously . . . at the same time”: For example, “They simultaneously stood up at the same time.” “Simultaneously” and “at the same time” have identical meanings, so you only need one, if either.
“Sometimes people will on occasion”: This has the same problem as the previous issue. “Sometimes” means “on occasion.” Choose one.

Self-explanatory
Self-explanatory expressions tell the reader information that he or she already knows or that is obvious from the context. Here are two examples of this.

“After lunch, in the afternoon”: “After lunch could mean 11:00 p.m., which is, after all, probably after lunch. Because so few people eat lunch in the morning, the reader will understand that the time is “in the afternoon.”
“At night, when the sky was dark”: The sky is usually dark at night (except in rare locations, such as near the north and south poles). You only need one part of this expression. Choose the one that provides the information most relevant to the context.

Misleading
Misleading text communicates an unintended meaning.

“A long day”: Each day is approximately the same length as the previous day. Generally, this expression refers to “a tiring day,” which is a more accurate way to state this concept.

Simply wrong
Some uses of time expressions are incorrect, however common they are.

“Bi-weekly meeting on Tuesdays and Thursdays”: The expression “bi-weekly” is often used to mean “twice a week,” as indicated by this example. This is becoming so common that it may seem right. “Bi-weekly” actually means “every two weeks.” The correct way to say this is “semi-weekly.”
“6-month, bi-annual meeting”: Similar to the example above, “bi-annual” means every two years. This sample indicates meetings twice a year, so it should be written “semi-annual.”

While this article specifically discusses text about time, it also illustrates 6 concepts that editors use when revising clients’ documents. As editors, we help writers produce text that has the following characteristics, whether fiction or nonfiction:

Concise: Information is stated using the fewest words possible.
Stylistic: The words, expressions, and sentence structures are appropriate for the audience and the purpose of the document.
Necessary: The text adds value for the reader.
Informative: Information is new to the reader.
Clear: Words and expressions communicate what they are intended to communicate.
Correct: The information is accurate and conveys the accurate meaning.

We are not the first to communicate these concepts. Joseph Pulitzer said, “Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it, and above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light.” Mark Twain said, “I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English. It is the modern way and the best way.”

David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editorial service provider for authors, businesses, and students.

The Cuckleburr Times » David Bowman

How Commas Kill Children

First, Appositives

Rule J Separate non-restrictive appositives with commas.

Rule K Don’t use commas to separate restrictive appositives.

Restoring the Power of Cliches

Solving 3 Common Dialogue Problems

Punctuating Appositives

Who is Your Audience?

Writing a Strong Middle

How Bad Punctuation Possessed an Entire Town

Coffee Is Wonderful (in my opinion)

What Do Your Characters Want?

How to Write Your Resume Cover Letter

In My Opinion, I Think That I Believe This is Bad Writing

It’s Like My Least Favorite Word

“None of these” is plural

Tip: Keep verbs as verbs, not as nouns.

Writing Tip: Avoid Over-generalizing

Writing with Spin: Making Your Readers Happy with Bad News

Writing Tip: Avoid starting sentences with “it.”

The One-Sentence Paragraph

Guns, Bullets, and Bang: Combining impact strategies

In the Year 2009, and Other Troubling Times for Writers

Rule J
Separate non-restrictive appositives with commas.

Rule K
Don’t use commas to separate restrictive appositives.