Let’s face it, the first few years of marriage, we go out of our way to make that someone who has agreed to spend the rest of their lives with us, feel special. We do this in many ways; through words, actions and patience. Patience, after a while, becomes tolerance and soon, before we know it, the honeymoon is over. Here are ten ways to tell if your marriage has taken that step into “Realityland.”

1.     Before, he would throw his dirty clothes into the hamper. Now, you find his underwear hanging on the doorknob.

2.     Before, when you came home, she would greet you with hugs and kisses. Now, she greets you with a plunger and the number of toys Little Johnny tried flushing down the toilet.

3.     Before, he would call you cute nicknames like, “Honeybun” or “Sweetcheeks.” Now, it’s, “Hey, you!” (Note: After ten years of marriage, he drops the “you.”)

4.     Before, she would give you your favorite meals with all the trimmings. Now, she gives you extra napkins for your Sloppy Joes.

5.     Before, he would take you to your favorite restaurant where the menu had a wide array of exotic dishes. Now, he takes you to a restaurant where the menu is behind somebody’s head.

6.     Before the kids arrived, she would wear her sexiest perfume. Now, she smells like “Eau de Baby Poop.”

7.     Before, he would surprise you with sweet smelling flowers. Now, he surprises you with announcements of his flatulence.

8.     Before, she would ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?” Now, she asks, “What do you want now?”

9.     Before, he would want to make love all night. Now, he wants to wait until the game is over.

10.  Before, she would want to make love all night. Now, she hopes the game goes into overtime.
If any of these sound familiar, congratulations. You are now into the down and dirty side of marriage. You are finally being yourself. And, isn’t that all we want anyway? Just to be ourselves? No more putting on our happy face when we feel like screaming. No more putting up a false front when we want to say what is really on our minds.

Of course, if we all did that, there would be a lot more people checking the single box on their tax returns. The happy medium is to realize that we are all going to change after marriage and it’s up to each of us to be prepared.

Here’s to many happy years of connubial bliss.

After working as a deejay at a New Jersey radio station, where Carl Megill was given free reign to write commercial parodies and a 64 episode comedy soap opera, he branched out into the wonderful world of writing sitcoms. Although none ever sold, he did win, or placed high, in several script writing contests. This included first place in the TVWriter.com competition for an “Everybody Loves Raymond” script. He also enjoyed winning a playwriting competition for a comedy entitled, “You’re Never Too Old,” which was produced on stage to favorable reviews. Four of his short plays have also been produced.

His only screen credit is as a staff writer for the Seattle based sketch comedy program “Night Shift.” It’s also his only credit at imdb. His humor column, “The Mind of Megill,” has appeared in print and on the internet. He has also written and performed stand up comedy at area comedy clubs. He enjoys writing, sports and referring to himself in the third person.